Pokemon Diamond and Pearl Gone Wrong
by burningfoot
Summary: A parody of Diamond and Pearl. Two different people enter their games purely for your entertainment. The game isn't going right but being a criminal, killing Gym Leaders and using AR doesn't make it better but does make it more fun. Now with epilogue.
1. Chapter 1

**Pokemon Diamond and Pearl Gone Wrong**

**Chapter 1**

Meet Allen, he's fifteen and he's just been to his local post office to receive his package, a Nintendo DS Lite, a copy of Pokemon Diamond and a Pokemon Diamond and Pearl walkthrough. This cost him £59.42 of his dad's money. Meanwhile, Emma who is also fifteen went to her local GameStation with her own money and bought a copy of Pokemon Pearl to play on her classic Nintendo DS for £29.99. The thing that neither of them realised was that they would be in the game themselves purely for your entertainment. I wish them good luck and recommend they buy life insurance because the majority of FanFics that are parodies of games usually end up with one main character suffering from a running gag involving a tractor and their spine. What? They don't? What a relief! That's a lot of pressure off me.

Allen opened his eyes slowly and rolled over in bed to find a girl with long straight pink hair lying next to him. This was Emma but keep it a secret because Allen doesn't know who she is yet. Allen cried out in shock and immediately fell out of bed onto the wooden floor of a bedroom.

"What's going on?" Allen's cry had suddenly awoken Emma. She sat up to see a boy with messy light green hair and glowing yellow eyes lying on the floor looking up at her. Allen looked into the girl's mysterious purple eyes.

"So, this is the world of Pokemon? You wake up in bed with someone with odd coloured hair. They said nothing about this on the box." Allen stood up and sorted out his baggy blue jeans and black jumper. The girl got out of bed and pretended to smarten herself up by rearranging the position of her jeans and tried to hide as much of her stomach that was showing as she could, which was very little because her white sleeveless top revealed her belly button and a few centimetres above. The two faced each other and made first impressions. They both thought the same, the other is extremely weird.

"I guess introductions are in order. I am Emma, you are?" Emma offered a handshake. Allen immediately shoved his hands into his trouser pockets.

"Allen, but everyone calls me Awesome." Allen produced a very cheesy grin.

"Sure they do, Allen." Emma said sarcastically as she went over to the stairs. Allen groaned and followed her downstairs. When they reached the bottom of the stairs a blue haired woman who had been sat at the table in the middle of the room ran over to them.

"Hey! Who are you? I don't have two kids! I only have one and whoever my kid is they look nothing like you! Now get out of here before I call the Police and report you for trespassing on private property!" The woman who was shorter than our heroes raised a fist very angrily and pointed to the door with her other hand. Allen and Emma looked at each other for a moment and left the house.

"That's very odd. If she's got a kid and the room upstairs is the kid's room, where does she sleep?" Emma wondered why there had only been one room on each floor.

"She may not speak like it but she acts like she's from Alabama so they must sleep together." Allen laughed while reading a book.

"What's that you've got there?" Emma looked at the book.

"It is the Pokemon Diamond and Pearl walkthrough. It says we now need to meet our rival in his house. That shouldn't be too hard there are only four houses here and we know it's not that one." Allen pointed at the house they'd come out of.

"You know before we started the game we got to name our rival. What did you call him? I called him Stupid." Emma asked her green haired companion.

"I called him Twat. So either way he's going to have a horrible and embarrassing name." Allen opened to door of the house behind the house the two had woken up in to reveal a man pointing a shotgun at them.

"Stupid trespassers!" the man fired a warning shot that narrowly missed Emma's left foot. Allen immediately shut the door and pointed at the house on the other side of the street. This time when they opened the door there was a happy looking woman.

"Ah, you must be here to see Malcolm. He's upstairs, but first could you tell me if he's been on any drugs lately because he's been very hyper-active?" Allen and Emma ignored the woman's question and went straight upstairs to find a blonde haired boy in a striped t-shirt running around hitting himself with the shoe that should have been on his right foot.

"Oi, Stupid Twat Malcolm, stop that!" Allen shouted at the strange boy. Malcolm stopped running and stared at the two strangers who were in his room.

"OMG! Pink hair, LOL!" Malcolm pointed at Emma, laughed in what could be considered a very disturbing way and ran down the stairs.

"I don't like Malcolm." Emma looked down the stairs.

"The name or him?" Allen pointed at Malcolm who was trying and failing to push open the front door.

"Both." Emma followed Allen out of the house. Malcolm ran around in circles and then ran out of the town using the only exit which was to the north. Allen and Emma followed the hyper-active boy west along route 201 and through some trees to Lake Verity. An old man in a lab coat was stood by the water's edge talking to thin air as if there was somebody there including pauses for response. The old man then walked past Allen, Emma and the hyper-active Malcolm.

"The senile old man's left his briefcase here." Allen walked over to look at the brown bag left by the water's edge. Emma walked over as well but then they were both distracted by Malcolm sat on the floor singing the Teletubbies theme tune. "Please can I throw him in the lake?"

"Sadly, no." Emma shook her head and sighed. Then three small grey birds stood looking at our heroes and Malcolm.

"Well, according to the book they're attacking us and we have to use the Pokemon from the briefcase to battle them." Allen referred to his walkthrough. Each Starly tilted its head and belched individually.

"But they're harmless." Emma bent down to stroke a Starly but it jumped up and started pecking on her head. The other two birds stared for a moment and then joined in. Allen opened the briefcase and took the three Pokeballs from inside. He handed one to Emma and threw one at Malcolm. When the Pokeball hit Malcolm it opened and a Piplup appeared.

"Piplup is a n00bish Pokemon for n00bs!" Malcolm crossed his arms and looked away from the small blue penguin stood in front of him. "I want a Charizard or a Golem or a Kingdra or a Pichu!" Allen and Emma stared at Malcolm. Even the three Starlys on Emma's head stopped pecking at it to stare at him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"He's kidding, right?" Emma continued to stare at our heroes' blonde haired rival.

"Yes, is that the drugs helpline? Yes, we've got someone here who we think is on drugs. He's been extremely hyper-active, run around hitting himself with a shoe and sang the Teletubbies theme tune." Allen spoke into his mobile phone.

"Has he listed several powerful Pokemon but included a Pichu?" a woman's voice came from the phone.

"Yes," Allen nodded while looking at Malcolm.

"Ok, he's definitely on a mixture of cocaine, morphine, heroin and butter. We'll send a drugs squad after him immediately." The woman hung up without giving Allen a chance to say anything.

"Three different drugs and a dairy product." Allen said to Emma who suddenly looked really worried. Their attention was drawn away from Malcolm as the trio of Starlys returned to pecking Emma's head. Allen held out the Pokeball he had taken from the briefcase. A small orange monkey appeared. Emma threw her Pokeball and a green turtle appeared. The Starlys saw this as a battle and flew over to face an opponent each.

"Stupid n00b penguin use Growl." Malcolm shouted. The Piplup opened its beak and a pathetic attempt a growl came out. It could be considered more of a cough.

"Turtwig Tackle." Emma commanded and the turtle obeyed. It ran up to Starly and charged into it.

"Chimchar Scratch." Allen pointed at Starly. The monkey went up to the grey bird and looked at it. Chimchar suddenly swiped at Starly with its right hand and left scratch marks across the bird's chest.

"This is absolutely ridiculous. These Pokemon have never seen us before and are doing everything we tell them to." Emma pointed out.

"Really? Everything? Chimchar, hold that Starly's head underwater until it drowns." Chimchar went over to the Starly it was battling, picked it up, carried it over to the water's edge and dunked the bird's head underwater. "Wow, you're right." Allen and Emma watched as the bubbles rising from where Starly's head was suddenly stopped and it fell into the lake. Allen whistled innocently. The other two Starly's went over to the water's edge and looked in at their deceased friend. They looked at Chimchar and jumped to push it into the water but Allen returned Chimchar to its Pokeball and the two Starly's fell into the lake. Emma returned Turtwig to its Pokeball and put Piplup inside its Pokeball while Malcolm tried eating grass. The trio returned to Twinleaf Town as the walkthrough told them to. Allen and Emma entered the house they had first woken up in. The blue haired woman screamed and chased the two out with a chair. Allen and Emma immediately left Twinleaf Town and walked east along route 201 towards Sandgem Town. Allen walked over to a woman standing in the tall grass.

"What do you want you strange little boy?" the woman looked up at Allen puzzled.

"The free Potion sample. It says in the book that you give us one." Allen pointed at his walkthrough.

"I'm not giving you my Potion. It's mine." the woman said angrily.

"Give me the Potion." Allen hit the woman with the book.

"No." the woman protested.

"Give me the Potion." Allen hit the woman again.

"No." the woman protested again.

"Give me the Potion." Allen hit the woman a third time.

"No." the woman continued to argue.

"Give me the God damn Potion b***h!" Allen hit her again.

"Stop hitting me with that book." The woman stuck her middle finger up at Allen.

"Allen, you're under arrest on suspicion of assault, theft of Pokemon from an old man, trespassing, mass murder of Starlys and providing ten year-old drug abusers with dairy products!" Allen turned around to see a policeman. "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you do say will be altered and used as evidence against you."

"How can you arrest me? There are no prisons or even police stations." Allen pointed out.

"Pointing out police stupidity. That's yet another offence." The policeman grabbed Allen's left hand and hit it with a stamp. The word Criminal was now in big, bold, red letters on the back of his hand. The policeman walked off whistling the theme tune to Pokemon: Advanced Battle.

"That was odd." Emma watched the policeman walk into Sandgem Town. "Why did you want a stupid Potion so badly?"

"My hand… My perfect hand… Ruined…" Allen looked at the back of his hand and started crying.

"Let's go." Emma headed towards Sandgem Town. Allen stayed standing and looking at his hand. Emma grabbed him by the collar and took him with her.

"We need someone to point us to the professor's lab." Allen referred to his book.

"It's right there." Emma pointed at the building they were stood next to.

"That was easy." Allen smiled. They went inside and found the old man in his lab coat.

"I am Professor Rowan. Now, I'll get straight to the point, you've stolen my Pokemon so now as punishment you must travel the world of Sinnoh and collect data for my Pokedex." The old man handed Emma a small red device and pointed at the door. Allen and Emma walked out looking at the Pokedex.

"What a strange old man. Now we need to go on a tour of the town. Let's see, random house, random house, beach, Pokemon Centre and Pokemart. Done." Allen stood holding his walkthrough.

"Let's go to the Pokemon Centre to heal our Pokemon." Emma pointed at the red-roofed building. The two walked into the building to find a pink haired nurse stood behind a counter stood next to a large machine.

"Oh, hello! I can heal your Pokemon for free but I won't do it if you don't donate to the Pokemon Centre." The nurse smiled and Allen and Emma looked at each other.

"How's it free if we have to give you money to do it?" Allen asked.

"You're a criminal so you have to do your bit to aid society. So donate or get out!" the nurse was now pointing a shotgun at Allen. Allen reached into his pocket and pulled out a few silver coins and placed them onto the counter with his Chimchar's Pokeball. Emma smiled as Allen groaned and she placed her Turtwig's Pokeball on the counter. The nurse took the money and placed the Pokeballs in the machine. The machine made a few bleeping noises and then the nurse gave Allen and Emma their Pokeballs back. The two went out of the Pokemon Centre and headed towards the Pokemart and Allen tried to wipe the word Criminal off his hand but with no luck.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

In the Pokemart Emma bought 5 Pokeballs and Allen had another shotgun aimed at him. Outside they looked for a bench to sit on but there wasn't one. Allen consulted his walkthrough again.

"We've now got to go back and tell that blue haired psycho we're going on a journey then Malcolm's mum will burst in and give us a package to give to Malcolm." Allen looked up from his book.

"NO WAY! I'm not going to see that woman again. Let's just find Malcolm's mum and get the package." Emma headed towards route 201 and Twinleaf Town. Allen followed. At Malcolm's house our heroes found Malcolm's mum crying. She managed to stop crying long enough to talk to Allen and Emma.

"I'm so glad you're here! Can you take this parcel to my son? He's in rehab in Jubilife city." She then burst into tears again. Allen took the parcel from the table and the two backed out of the house. They went back to Sandgem Town and then headed north to route 202. Allen noticed five Pokeballs floating in midair near a tree. He went over and took them.

"I need the toilet." Allen said then a large list appeared in mid-air and an arrow moved down to the word Save. Suddenly the list disappeared and a white box appeared saying "Saving Don't Turn Off The Power". When the box disappeared Allen waved to Emma and he too disappeared. Emma looked around and walked into the knee-high grass to her right. She walked around for a minute and then some music started playing in the background and a Bidoof appeared out of nowhere.

"Go Turtwig!" Emma threw a Pokeball and a small green turtle emerged. Turtwig stared angrily into the Bidoof's eyes. "Tackle!" Turtwig ran forward and charged into Bidoof. The beaver Pokemon fell backwards and Emma threw a Pokeball at it. The ball sucked Bidoof inside and fell onto the floor. It rocked a few times and stopped. Emma walked over to the ball and picked it up. Emma's green haired friend suddenly reappeared behind her.

"Hello, what'd you just catch?" Allen asked.

"Bidoof." Emma span the Pokeball on her index finger. "What you listening to?" Emma asked when she noticed Allen had some headphones in his ears.

"James Blunt feat Gordon Brown – I like killing puppies with hammers." Allen then pulled his MP3 Player from his pocket and turned it off.

"Hmm. Well, at least it's better than the one David Cameron did. Now, let us never speak of this again." Emma started walking up the small pathway towards Jubilife City. The same music that had played when Emma had battled Bidoof began playing. Emma turned around to see Allen stood facing a Starly.

"Emma, I have decided that I won't use the traditional method of catching Pokemon by weakening them in battle. I'm going to use this!" Allen held up a roll of Masking tape. Emma wanted to question what Allen intended to do but instead decided to watch. Allen threw a Pokeball at the Starly and it was sucked inside. Allen then knelt down and covered the red and white ball with masking tape. The ball rocked about and tried to open. It stayed shut and the Starly had been caught.

"Isn't that cheating?" Emma asked as Allen pulled the masking tape off the Pokeball.

"Read the hand, it doesn't matter what I do now. I've already taken the worst punishment that this place's Police can deal out." Allen held out his left hand to show Emma the word Criminal in bold red letters.

"Hey! You there, battle me!" a young boy stood next to a tree shouted at Allen. "Yes, you with the silly green hair!"

"Nobody calls my hair silly!" Allen got angry and threw the young boy into the trees. He grabbed a stick and began to head towards where the boy had landed.

"You can't go in there! In the game it's out of bounds!" Emma shouted after him. Allen turned around holding the stick like a sword.

"Do I look like an out of bounds sort of guy?" Allen then ran after the boy who was now running away further into the trees. Emma sighed and decided to walk around in the long grass battling until Allen returned. In the ten minutes Allen was gone she caught a Kricketot and after defeating yet another Bidoof a deep voice came out of nowhere.

"Turtwig learned Absorb!" the deep voice declared and she didn't hear it again. A moment later Allen returned with a Shinx dangling off his right arm by its teeth.

"Look what I caught that doesn't like me!" Allen raised his arm. Emma just looked embarrassed. Allen, Emma and Shinx then made their way further up the path and arrived in Jubilife City.

"First things first, we need to deliver that parcel to Malcolm who's in rehab." Emma said while looking over to Allen.

"This book says we should visit the Trainer's School… But it looks like it's been replaced by the rehab centre." Allen looked up from his walkthrough.

"Trainer's School? There hasn't been one of those here for years. All the kids were failing because they were on drugs so they closed the school and opened a rehab centre." An old man walked up to Allen and Emma.

"Sounds sensible." Emma thought.

"Now, you must be on drugs if you've got hair like that. GET IN THERE!" the old man grabbed hold of Allen's arm and threw him towards the rehab centre. Emma walked past the old man and into the rehab centre with Allen.

"What's wrong with my hair?" Allen looked in a mirror in the reception area. Meanwhile Emma went over to the reception desk and rang the bell. A receptionist suddenly stood up from underneath the counter.

"Welcome to Jubilife Rehab! How can I help you?" the woman behind the desk smiled at Emma.

"We're visiting someone. Malcolm from Twinleaf Town." Emma said to the woman who suddenly began typing frantically at her computer.

"Yes, he's through the door on the right you can go straight through." The woman pointed at a door and Emma dragged Allen through it.

"OMG! It's the pink haired n00b!" Malcolm shouted across the room.

"OMG!" all the boys near Malcolm shouted and pointed at Emma who stared oddly at them all.

"Let's go Malcolm," Allen dragged Malcolm by the collar and the three left the rehab centre.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

"Right, there's your parcel!" Allen shoved the parcel at Malcolm. The blonde boy ripped off the brown paper and took out what looked like a scroll.

"Oh thanks you strange haired people. To thank you I'll give you this Town Map." Malcolm handed the scroll to Allen and then ran off to the East of the city.

"This is just getting stupid. Why couldn't we have just kept the package and left him in rehab and hoped he'd get less weird?" Allen looked at the scroll. He then opened it to look at the map. "Why's it called the Town Map if it shows more than just a town?"

"Ok, my dinner's ready." Emma said as the list reappeared and the arrow pointed at the word Save. Then a white box appeared saying "Saving, Don't Turn Off The Power". After a moment it disappeared.

"I might as well make some if you're going." Allen said just before Emma disappeared. Then he disappeared.

A few hours later it was dark in Jubilife City and the empty streets had an orange glow from the streetlights. A green haired teenage boy was sat on a bench reading a book. Suddenly a pink haired girl appeared in the middle of the street wearing silk pink pyjamas.

"DAMMIT!" Emma's shout broke the silence.

"Huh?" Allen looked up from the walkthrough. "Hmm." He smiled when he saw Emma.

"Shut up!" Emma shouted as she grabbed her foot. "I had to reappear on a piece of broken glass didn't I?" She pulled a bit of glass from the bottom of her foot.

"Any particular reason you're in your pyjamas? Nice pyjamas by the way." Allen shut his walkthrough and stood up.

"I was in bed when I turned my DS on." Emma looked at Allen who kept having to hide where his eyes were looking.

"Anyway, I got the other item that we were supposed to get from the Trainer's School that's now a rehab centre. TM10, Hidden Power, we're probably not going to use it." Allen took a small disc from the bag next to him and waved it. He then put it back in the bag. The two then started walking up the main street of the city and a man jumped out at them.

"Ah, a mugger!" Emma cried out.

"Take her, do what you wish just don't harm me!" Allen held Emma in front of himself.

"Thanks a lot you selfish bas…" Emma was interrupted by a Policeman pointing at her.

"Watch your language young lady." The Policeman then walked away whistling the theme to Pokemon: Master Quest.

"These Police really need to sort out their priorities." Allen looked in the direction the Policeman had left in.

"Ahem, would you like to donate to the Anti-Mugging You Fund? Actually, no, I'm not a mugger. I'm the guy that made the Poketch." The man introduced himself.

"Poketch?" Allen and Emma asked simultaneously.

"Yes, the Pokemon Watch. It's the thing that goes on the bottom screen of your DS that nobody actually cares about until you need it to track Mesprit and Cresselia." The man explained.

"Ok, let's see your almost useless invention." Allen held out his hand expecting something to be placed there.

"Not yet. You have to find three clowns and answer their riddles to receive coupons to get it." The man tried to set Allen a challenge. But this being Allen there must be a simpler and most likely ruder way.

"There they are sat outside that pub with a bottle of vodka each. If they were sober enough to give me their riddles they would be so simple that anyone that knows how to walk could answer correctly. So hand 'em over." Allen pointed at a pub with three drunk clowns outside.

"Congratulations! You have won a Poketch each." The man then gave Allen a blue watch and Emma a pink one.

"Does it come in green?" Allen asked as Emma tried hers on. It obviously fitted because it had an adjustable strap.

"Now, it's time for you to donate to the Anti-Mugging You Fund." The man held out a glass jar and shook it.

"I thought you said you weren't a mugger." Emma looked worried.

"Of course I'm not a mugger. He is." The man pointed at a teenage boy wearing a tracksuit and a baseball cap.

"AH! It's a CHAV!" Emma ran off. Allen stared for a moment then followed her.

"Glad we got away from them." Allen sighed in relief.

"Where next?" Emma asked.

"Noting of real importance left here. Just a Quick Claw and Old Rod." Allen checked his walkthrough.

"We'll come back if we decide we need them." Emma looked over Allen's shoulder.

"Onto Route 203 then." Allen pointed to the east of the city and the two headed that way. When they left the city Malcolm came running up to them.

"OMG pink-haired girl battle me! Me and my n00bish penguin got skills!" Malcolm pointed at Emma.

"For Pete's sake!" Emma felt like she wanted to hit Malcolm.

"Who's Pete?" Allen asked.

"My next door neighbour. He's cool." Emma looked at Allen.

"Hey! Battle me you stupid n00b!" Malcolm shouted and Emma clenched her fists tightly. "Go, n00bish penguin!" Malcolm threw a Pokeball that hit Allen. A small blue penguin fell out.

"Go away you stupid twat!" Emma ran forward and kicked the Piplup. It flew up and fell behind some bushes. Emma then looked at Malcolm angrily. He started to cry.

"You hurt my n00b! And my feelings." Malcolm wept and ran away.

"That's really something I'd expect from Allen." An unfamiliar electronic voice said.

"That's something I really wanted to do." Allen looked upset about not being the one to have done it. "Wait a minute. Who just said that?" The two looked around to try and find who had been talking.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

"Oh, sorry, I forgot to introduce myself." The unfamiliar electronic voice apologised.

"Where are you?" Allen asked.

"I'm in your pocket." Allen then searched his pockets. "Not you." Emma then checked her pockets and pulled out the small red device Professor Rowan had given her.

"You're a talking Pokedex?" Emma looked oddly at the Pokedex.

"Exactly." The electronic voice came from the red device.

"Do you know how stupid that sounds?" Allen took the Pokedex off Emma and opened it.

"My last owner thought that too." The Pokedex sounded slightly upset.

"What last owner would that be and what happened to them?" Emma asked.

"Her name was May and she was from the Hoenn region. She decided she'd ignore me when people started hiring her for FanFics that involved her snogging some green haired pretty boy called Drew. When I tried getting back into her life she threw me into a lake." The Pokedex told the two his story.

"A lake you say? That's not a bad idea. Hey there's some water." Allen prepared to throw the Pokedex into the small pond.

"No! Let's give him a chance." Emma stopped him.

"Yes Allen, listen to the pink haired one." The Pokedex cried out.

"Fine." Allen handed the Pokedex over to Emma who shoved it into her pocket. "Let's have a go at catching some new Pokemon." Allen walked over to the knee high grass.

"Ok then." Emma followed. An Abra jumped out at Allen. Allen pulled out his masking tape and a Pokeball. Allen threw the Pokeball at Abra then covered it in masking tape. Suddenly the Abra teleported out of the Pokeball.

"Dammit!" Allen watched as the Abra stuck out its tongue and taunted him.

"If it's just going to do that there's not much point in using another Pokeball." Emma was leaning against a tree watching.

"That's why I'm going to use the same one." Allen picked up the Pokeball and pulled the masking tape off. Allen then dived to grab the Abra but it teleported away.

"Let's go." Emma began walking away.

"Let's just try see if there's anything in the water." Allen walked over to the pond.

"We didn't go get the Old Rod." Emma stood looking at Allen.

"Don't need it. Just reach in and grab…" Allen dunked his arm into the pond and stopped. "…OW!" Allen pulled his arm out of the pond and waved it about. He was trying to shake off a Magikarp. Emma grabbed the Pokeball off Allen and pressed the button that sucked the Magikarp inside it. She then threw it to Allen who covered it with masking tape. The Pokeball rocked a few times then stopped. Allen removed the masking tape then the two walked further down the road. The two came across a cave and went inside. As soon as they entered the cave a hiker came up to them gave Allen a disc and ran off without saying anything.

"Stop thief!" a policeman ran up to them. "You there with the silly green hair! Give back what you stole!" Allen put his hands up and the policeman took the disc off him. Emma then punched the policeman in the face and he fell over backwards. Allen took back the disc from the unconscious policeman.

"Wow." Allen grinned.

"Let's deal with him so that I don't have to go on the run." Emma picked up the policeman's legs and expected Allen to carry the upper body. He shrugged and did it. They threw the body into a hole and destroyed his radio.

"If he dies and we get blamed…" Allen pointed at Emma as though threatening her. Allen then walked a little further into the cave. Suddenly a small blue bat swooped down. Allen held out a Pokeball and his Shinx came out. The Zubat looked angrily at Shinx.

"You're actually going to battle it?" Emma looked at Allen shocked.

"Duh, it's not worth catching so I'll just… OW!" Shinx jumped up and bit Allen's arm. "Hey! I caught you, you're supposed to obey me not bite me!" Allen tried shaking the Pokemon off his arm. Emma sighed and battled the Zubat with her Turtwig while Allen kept hitting Shinx trying to get it ff his arm. Emma then managed to catch the Zubat while Allen resorted to hitting Shinx against the wall until it was knocked unconscious.

"Come on." Emma turned towards the exit as Allen scooped up his injured Pokemon. Allen then followed her.

"Wait a minute. We're walking inside a cave and you're bare foot. Doesn't it hurt?" Allen asked Emma as he looked at her feet.

"Nope, it's a video game. Some things hurt, others don't." Emma looked at Allen then continued walking to the exit.

"That's stupid!" Allen then walked to the exit. Outside they saw a small city lit up by street lights. A small boy ran up to them.

"Come on! Come to the Gym!" the boy said excitedly.

"Isn't it past your bed time?" Allen asked and looked at his Poketch.

"It would be if I wasn't just some pre-programmed kid with no family or home." The boy said then grabbed Allen and Emma's arms and pulled them to the Gym.

"I'm getting tired. I'm going to go to bed soon." Emma rubbed her eyes with her free hand.

"Oh, the Gym Leader's not here." The boy looked disappointed.

"Yeah, he's probably in bed." Emma yawned.

"Damn you. I don't like when people yawn it makes me tired." Allen yawned too.

"No, he's in the mine. Go find him so you can challenge the Gym." The boy pointed to the south of the town.

"Look, if you knew he wasn't here why did you even bother and sound so shocked and disappointed that he wasn't here?" Allen asked the boy who ran off.

"The people here are weird." Emma looked at where the boy had gone.

"Where's Malcolm? He's supposed to be here." Allen checked his walkthrough. He looked up to see a box saying "Saving, Don't Turn Off The Power".

"Goodnight." Emma waved to Allen then disappeared. Allen put his walkthrough back in his bag and disappeared himself.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

The sun rose over Oreburgh City. It was a spectacular sight that no one actually cared about or saw. A green haired boy walked through the street. Suddenly he stopped walking and in front of him a pink haired girl appeared.

"Good morning!" she smiled and waved. The boy took his hands out of his pockets.

"Good timing Em. I just got up." Allen grinned.

"Don't call me that. I kind of guessed that because of your hair." Emma smiled and then Allen got quite angry.

"What's wrong with my hair?" Allen shouted.

"Nothing." Emma smiled innocently.

"Pokemon Centre-wards!" Allen pointed at a red roofed building. The two went into the building. They got out their Pokeballs and placed them on the counter. A nurse walked in from the back room, looked at Allen, looked at a computer screen then reached under the counter. She pulled out a shotgun and pointed it at Allen.

"Ok, criminal, pay up!" the nurse placed a finger on the trigger. Allen put his hands up.

"Um, Emma, could you help me out here?" Allen looked at his pink haired friend.

"Why? I thought you had money. Anyway, I spent all mine in the Pokemart at 3 in the morning. I still can't believe that they sold wine." Emma looked at Allen. Allen slowly reached for his Pokeballs on the counter and then ran out. The nurse put down her gun and healed Emma's Pokemon with the large machine next to her. Emma then left the Pokemon centre. Outside she looked around and Allen walked up to her carrying a small sack.

"Right, this should do as a donation." Allen opened the sack to reveal lots of coins.

"I'm scared to ask where you got that." Emma looked inside the sack. Allen went inside the Pokemon Centre and gave the money to the nurse who healed his Pokemon. Allen and Emma then went into the mine at the south of the city. The first thing they saw inside was a large rock snake heading for them. Allen ran forwards and climbed onto the back of the Onix. He pulled out his masking tape and a Pokeball. He threw the Pokeball at Onix's head. It smashed and the pieces fell to the floor. Allen searched for another Pokeball as Onix got closer to Emma. He quickly pulled one out and sucked Onix inside. Allen fell flat on his face. He realised getting onto the Onix's back was a bad idea if he was going to catch it. Then he realised what he was doing and covered the Pokeball with masking tape. The masking tape slowly began to tear as the Pokeball tried to open. Allen pushed down on the ball trying to keep it shut. The Pokeball dinged and Allen relaxed. Allen put the masking tape and his new Onix's Pokeball away and looked around. Emma was nowhere to be seen. Allen decided to go on alone. At the deepest part of the mine he found a miner with glasses.

"Oh, hello there." The miner said, "I'm Roark, the local Gym Leader. I guess you want to challenge me. Well, I'll go back to my Gym so that you can." The miner walked away. Allen looked at him, he was the most normal person Allen had met in the entire game. Allen slowly made his way back out of the mine battling every Pokemon he came across. Allen had just defeated yet another Zubat with his Chimchar and he was about to recall his Pokemon when it started to glow.

"What are you doing you stupid monkey?" Allen looked at his Pokemon as it began getting bigger.

"It's evolving." Allen turned to see Emma stood with a Grotle by her side.

"Oh yeah!" Allen remembered from knowing the basics of Pokemon games, "So, Turtwig evolved?"

"Yep," Emma nodded. Allen looked back at his Pokemon. His Chimchar had evolved into a Monferno.

"Congratulations! You're Chimchar is now a Monferno!" A muffled electronic voice declared. Emma took the Pokedex out of her pocket.

"I know!" Allen shouted.

"Are you useful for anything?" Emma asked.

"Yes, I can provide you information on any Pokemon you've seen and caught." The Pokedex said.

"Well, we know more than that." Allen grabbed the Pokedex. "Give me one reason why we shouldn't leave you here under a rock." The Pokedex made a gulping noise.

"I have the Police on speed-dial and I know that you killed a policeman. Who do you think they're going to believe? An innocent Pokedex or a criminal with silly hair?" the Pokedex asked. Allen began to get really angry.

"Are you blackmailing us?" Emma asked.

"Exactly." The Pokedex sounded pleased with itself. Allen threw it against the wall. It cracked and fell to the floor. The Pokedex tried to say something but all that came out was crackling and buzzing.

"It deserved it." Allen looked at the broken Pokedex lying on the floor. "So, where'd you go off to?"

"I just went to train and I caught a Geodude. Come on then, let's challenge the Gym." Emma said then the two headed for the exit of the mine.

When they arrived at the Gym it was surrounded by Police tape and a Police car was parked outside. Two policemen walked out of the Gym with Roark wearing handcuffs.

"What's going on here?" Allen asked.

"This guy has robbed money from his own Gym. He's the guy no one would suspect." One policeman said.

"But he's been in the mine." Emma protested. "I don't know who did it but it couldn't be him. Allen back me up… Allen?" Emma looked around for her green haired friend.

"Listen to the pink haired girl!" Roark cried out.

"Quiet you!" one policeman kicked Roark.

"What about the Gym? My friend and I need to challenge the Gym. Who's going to run it?" Emma asked still wondering where Allen had gone.

"Just take these badges." Roark threw two badges to Emma before being bundled into the Police car. Emma watched as Roark was driven away.

"That's odd. This world shouldn't have cars and there are no jails so where's he going?" Allen walked up to Emma and took a badge from her hand.

"Where did you go?" Emma asked angrily.

"Destroying CCTV footage. I mean Roark took one for the team." Allen smiled and looked in his walkthrough for what to do next.

"_You_ were the one who robbed the Gym!" Emma got really angry.

"How else did you think I paid my donation to the Pokemon Centre?" Allen asked while looking up from his book. Emma looked at him angrily as he walked back towards Oreburgh Gate. Suddenly Malcolm ran through Oreburgh City and straight into a wall.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Malcolm fell over backwards. He looked up at Allen and Emma. They looked down on the hyper-active blonde haired boy. Malcolm got up and grinned disturbingly.

"See ya n00bs!" Malcolm shouted and ran off into the cave. Allen and Emma followed him and reached Jubilife City. They began heading north to the exit of the city. Up ahead they saw Professor Rowan being pushed around by two people with turquoise hair wearing strange clothes. Professor Rowan then fell into a puddle and he noticed our heroes.

"You two there, help me!" the professor shouted. Allen and Emma looked at each other. They walked over to the two people and the professor.

"We are Team Galactic, so go away!" the two people ordered together.

"Actually, I'm quite interested in what you're doing because you're beating up this senile old fool. If it's all like this I'd like to join." Allen looked down at Professor Rowan.

"You bas…" Professor Rowan was interrupted by Allen kicking him.

"You, shut up! Your stupid Pokedex tried blackmailing us!" Allen shouted.

"Oh, speaking of your Pokedex, allow me to take a look at it and I'll tell you how you're doing." Professor Rowan held out his hand.

"If you want to look at it, it's lying broken in Oreburgh Mine." Allen pointed towards Oreburgh City.

"I like this guy. I think we should recruit him." One of the weird people said to the other.

"No! We're going to battle you to get rid of you." Emma interrupted the weird people.

"Fine." Allen looked disappointed and grabbed a Pokeball.

"Zubat!" One of the strange people sent out a small bat.

"Wurmple!" The other sent out a small bug.

"Go, Grotle!" Emma sent out her starter Pokemon.

"Go, Monferno!" Allen entered battle.

"Zubat, Leech Life!" the Galactic Grunt's Zubat flew forward.

"Look, a distraction!" Allen pointed behind the Grunts. They turned around to look. Allen grabbed the Zubat and twisted its neck. There was a cracking noise as the bat fell to the floor. Allen then stamped on the Wurmple. Allen then ran towards the northern exit of the town. Emma followed him as the Galactic Grunt turned back around confused about their dying Pokemon.

"Why can't you just follow the game rules?" Emma shouted at Allen.

"It's boring that way." Allen started walking up Route 204. They came across a large wall of rock blocking the path. Emma noticed a cave entrance.

"I guess we go in here." Emma pointed at the entrance.

"You do that. I'll see you up there." Emma turned to see Allen climbing up the rock-face. Emma ignored him and walked into the cave. She walked up some stairs and came across a rock blocking her path. She remembered that Allen had all the items including the disc they'd taken off the policeman that contained the HM for the move Rock Smash. She decided to do as Allen did and just climb over it. Emma got up after falling off the rock and left the cave. Outside, she saw Allen lying on the floor.

"What happened to you?" Emma asked. Allen lifted his arm to reveal his Shinx biting him.

"Get this thing off me!" Allen cried. Emma walked over to him and pulled the Shinx off Allen's arm. Shinx looked at her and growled. She dropped it. Allen quickly recalled it to its Pokeball.

"Unlucky." Emma laughed as Allen brushed himself with his hands. The two continued up the route towards the next town. A small green Pokemon appeared in front of Emma. She raised a Pokeball to battle it. She sent out her Grotle. The Budew jumped up and hit Grotle.

"Why do you want that?" Allen asked. He thought Budew was too weak to be worth catching. Emma ignored him and made Grotle attack. She then threw a Pokeball at the Budew. It was sucked inside. The Pokeball rocked and then dinged. Emma put the ball into her pocket and recalled her other Pokemon. The two then continued onwards and arrived in Floaroma Town. The first thing they saw in the town was a large number of people running into one house.

"What's going on?" Emma asked one of the passing people.

"An execution live on TV! Who wouldn't want to see that?" A man stopped to tell the two.

"Someone who's not sadistic." Emma muttered as she followed Allen and the large group of people into a small house. They all gathered around a television. A woman with a microphone was on the screen.

"Remember, the execution of the former Oreburgh City Gym Leader, Roark, is brought to you by Gible Airways!" The woman said and then turned to the side to see Roark tied to a table. He was shouting about being innocent. A man with a Gliscor by his side walked up to him.

"Guillotine!" The man pointed at Roark's neck. The Gliscor swooped down but missed Roark's neck.

"Stupid inaccurate attack!" one person in the room shouted at the TV. The man on TV ordered his Gliscor to use Guillotine 4 more times. Every time the attack missed.

"Does anyone have any PP Restores?" The man asked. Another person came on screen and gave the Gliscor an item to eat. The Gliscor then swooped down and sliced off Roark's head. Emma immediately looked away and cried. The rest of the room cheered as the woman with the microphone reappeared on screen while in the background people came to clear up the mess. The large group of people left the house leaving Allen and Emma.

"Allen! An innocent man has died because of you! I hope that you now know what happens when you commit crimes!" Emma shouted at her green haired friend.

"Yeah, I do, someone else gets executed." Allen laughed and then Emma punched him.

"We have some breaking news! Professor Rowan of Sandgem Town would have been admitted to hospital today but there isn't one in Sinnoh. He has received a large number of injuries caused by members of a criminal organisation known as Team Galactic." The woman on TV announced. Emma stormed out of the house. Allen just watched her and thought about how he could either get money to donate to the Pokemon Centre or how to get the word criminal off his hand. He truthfully wasn't really bothered about Emma.

"She'll come crawling back. I mean, I'm so awesome and I have all the items." Allen said proudly to himself.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Allen went to the local Pokemart and bought a few more items with some money he'd taken from a small boy. Then he planned to use the rest of the money to pay to heal his Pokemon. In the Pokemon Centre, he saw Emma walking away from the counter.

"Allen." Emma looked at him as she walked towards the door.

"Emma! Please, there's this weird feeling, it feels like it's eating me up." Allen pleaded.

"It's called guilt." Emma turned around to face Allen.

"How do I make it go away?" Allen asked.

"You apologise." Emma said angrily.

"Ok, fine. I'm… I'm sorry, I'm sorry for everything I've done and generally being me." Allen apologised. Emma smiled.

"Thank you. Now, Professor Rowan was just announced dead. Do you want to go to his funeral?" Emma asked.

"Two things. One, he was a senile old fool that gave us a blackmailing Pokedex. Secondly, going to a funeral wouldn't make this a very funny parody." Allen laughed.

"Allen, that's the fourth wall, leave it alone, it's done nothing wrong." Emma looked at him. Allen then walked over to the computer.

"Ok, I just need to check something." Allen connected to the internet. He clicked a few times and then read for a moment. "Hey! We're popular! Loads of people on are saying this is absolutely hilarious! Apart from one guy who seems to have no friends and nothing better to do than spam."

"Why can't you be a normal teenager and look at porn instead of reading comments left by people we've never met on stories written by our stalker?" Emma looked at him.

"Actually…"

"Anyway, what did I just say about the fourth wall?" Emma asked angrily.

"You'd know if the fourth wall had really been smashed if the author got involved." Allen turned off the computer.

"Emma, stop telling him to not do things because it'll just encourage him to do it!" A deep voice echoed.

"Who are you?" Allen asked.

"I'm the author! Now stop asking questions and do something stupid or I'll make you dance!" the voice shouted.

"Why do I even bother trying?" Emma asked.

"Because if you aren't being the voice of reason this whole thing would collapse into a chaotic pile of sh-"

"Shut up!" Emma interrupted. Allen paid his donation to the Pokemon Centre and had his Pokemon healed. The two headed east of the town because the entrance to the meadow was blocked by some weird people as Allen described them. A small girl ran up to them but tripped on a stick and was knocked out. The two ignored her and carried along to find more weird people blocking the route ahead.

"Look! Just go down there to the Valley Windworks!" The Galactic Grunt shouted at Emma. Allen led her further down the road. They came across lots of wind turbines. A small white squirrel jumped out at Allen. It was a Pachirisu so Allen decided to try and catch it. He pulled out his masking tape.

"No!" he cried out. "I'm already out of masking tape!"

"Does that mean..?" Emma looked at him.

"I can't believe I'm going to do this, I'm going to battle it properly!" Allen declared and pulled out a Pokeball. Allen threw the Pokeball and his Shinx came out. Shinx looked at Pachirisu for a moment then turned around and bit Allen's arm. Allen ran over to a wind turbine and repeatedly smashed Shinx against it. Shinx stopped biting and fell to the floor glowing.

"It's evolving?" Emma looked at Shinx as it grew. It stopped glowing and was now a Luxio.

"Maybe it'll stop biting me." Allen looked at Luxio. It looked at him and charged towards him. "Oh dear." Luxio jumped forwards and bit Allen's leg.

"Well, your arm has time to recover." Emma laughed as Allen tried kicking his newly evolved Pokemon.

"Pachi?" Pachirisu looked at the two.

"Oh yeah, that's what we were doing." Emma laughed. Allen spun around and Luxio released its grip. It flew and smacked into Pachirisu. The squirrel collapsed, Allen threw a Pokeball at it and caught it.

"Wow, I actually caught it." Allen seemed surprised.

"That was your first proper catch. Sort of." Emma laughed and Allen looked angrily. The two looked at each other for a moment and then walked over to the windworks building. A member of Team Galactic was stood blocking the door.

"Thank you! Finally some visitors!" the grunt smiled.

"Are you that lonely that you're happy to see enemies?" Allen asked him.

"I don't choose my enemies! You don't understand what it's like being a computer programmed loser!" The grunt cried out.

"I don't care!" Allen grinned. "Now, out of my way!"

"I can't let you pass! You'll have to battle me." The grunt sent out a Glameow.

"Woof!" Emma got onto all fours, barked and started growling like a dog. The Glameow looked at her and ran off in fear.

"What the hell?" Allen and the Team Galactic grunt looked at her.

"Um, moving on." Emma coughed and looked around pretending nothing had happened.

"What was that?" Allen asked her. Meanwhile the Team Galactic grunt ran inside the windworks and then they heard the sound of a door locking.

"Ha ha, you can't get in!" the grunt taunted them through the letter box.

"Why does a windworks have a letter box?" Allen asked.

"Just so I can taunt you. You're not getting in here unless you go back to the Floaroma Meadow and defeat the agents there." The grunt laughed and shut the letter box.

"Wow is he stupid!" Allen laughed.

"Well, at least he told us where to go." Emma looked at Allen.

"I could have looked in my walkthrough and told you." Allen pointed out.

"But you didn't!" Emma laughed. The two started walking back towards Floaroma Town. Allen heard a squish and felt something under his foot. He looked down and Emma turned around to see why Allen had stopped.

"What the hell is that?" Allen asked as he looked down to see a pink blob dangling off his shoe.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

"That is some large chewing gum." Emma examined the blob by poking it with a stick. The blob moved and a head popped out and bit the stick.

"It's a Pokemon?" Allen looked at the thing dangling from his shoe.

"A Shellos. If you want to catch it do it now before it dies." Emma prodded it. Allen threw a Pokeball at his foot. Shellos and Allen's trainer were sucked inside the Pokeball.

"My shoe!" Allen cried out as the Pokeball rocked a few times then dinged. Allen picked up the Pokeball. Suddenly it vanished into thin air. "Where'd it go?"

"You already have six Pokemon in your team. It went to your PC." Emma explained.

"Six already?" Allen then counted his Pokemon. "Oh, yeah. I need my shoe!" Allen then ran back to Floaroma Town leaving Emma on her own.

Meanwhile, in the middle of a very large wheat field somewhere in north Jhoto an old man in a lab coat is looking around.

"How the hell did I get out here?" Professor Oak shouted into the sky.

Elsewhere, in Jubilife City Poke Mart the shop assistant is restacking shelves.

"I have the strangest feeling that the author has just done something very random." The shop assistant said to no one in particular.

"Leave the fourth wall alone." A different old man in a lab coat said to the shop assistant.

"Aren't you dead?" the shop assistant asked when he recognised the old man as Professor Rowan.

"Oh yeah, I forgot about that. Thanks for reminding me." Professor Rowan collapsed into a dead heap on the floor.

"Clean up in aisle 3!" the shop assistant shouted and then walked off.

Back in Floaroma Town, Allen is stood in the Pokemon Centre.

"Why do I get the feeling that the author has just done two very random things?" Allen asked.

"Right! I'm putting a stop to this! It's just getting stupid!" Emma burst in.

"If you must know what's going on, I was on the toilet and I'd set my Microsoft Word Office Assistant, you know, the dog with the red collar, to auto-write but it seems its setting is on very random." A deep voice filled the room.

"Um…" Emma looked blankly at Allen who was rolling around laughing.

"Moving on." Allen stood up and went over to the computer. Emma noticed he still didn't have his shoe.

"What I don't get is how the Pokeball got to the computer." Emma looked over Allen's shoulder to see an error message saying that he already had 6 Pokemon in his team so couldn't withdraw.

"Fine! I'll deposit Magikarp but I will figure out how to get more than 6 Pokemon in my team soon enough. Allen shoved a Pokeball through the computer screen and pulled out another.

"How did you do that?" Emma asked.

"I don't know." Allen sent out Shellos and retrieved his shoe before recalling Shellos.

"Well, I don't want to withdraw the Buizel I caught after you abandoned me so turn the computer off when you're done." Emma walked over to the counter to have her Pokemon healed. Allen pushed the computer into the bin and followed her.

"Thank you, come again! No really, come again! We don't get much business here so I'll have to hunt you if you don't come back." The nurse returned Emma's Pokemon and stroked the shotgun under the counter. Allen placed his Pokemon and dropped a couple of coins next to them.

"That's all the coins I could find." Allen feared what might happen.

"It's not enough!" the nurse raised her shotgun.

"Why do so many people have shotguns? I thought this was supposed to be a kid's game!" Emma looked at the nurse as she prepared to fire.

"Can I give an I owe you?" Allen pleaded.

"I guess so, it means you'll have to come back." The nurse lowered her shotgun. She healed Allen's Pokemon. The two left the Pokemon centre and headed towards the meadow. They came across two members of Team Galactic.

"Oh god, more weird haired people." Allen groaned.

"'Ey! Your 'air is weirder t'an mine! Turquoise is better t'an green." One of the Team Galactic agents got angry.

"Give me the key to the windworks and go away!" Allen demanded.

"No!" the second Team Galactic agent protested.

"'Ow about we give you t'e key, and you go away!" the first agent suggested.

"Um, alright." Emma looked at the agents. They gave Emma the key and Allen led her off.

"That was easy." Allen laughed as they headed towards the windworks.

The duo opened the door of the windworks and made their way through the building until they found a woman with odd red hair wearing a Team Galactic uniform. Next to her were two grunts laughing manically.

"Welcome," the woman grinned, "I am Team Galactic Commander Mars. You're not leaving here alive."

"Just watch me!" Allen turned around to leave. Emma grabbed his collar to stop him.

"We need to stop her." Emma hissed in Allen's ear.

"So, what do you plan to do you strange haired people?" Mars asked.

"What's wrong with my hair!" Allen cried out and ran forward to attack Mars. Mars threw a Pokeball and it hit Allen on the head. He fell over backwards and was knocked out. Out of the Pokeball emerged a Purugly. The fat cat licked Allen's unconscious face. The two grunts went up to Allen shooed the Purugly and dragged Allen's body away. Emma stood watching, she didn't know what to do.

"Thank you! He's really annoying!" Emma sighed in relief.

"You don't mind that we've taken your friend with intentions of experimenting on him?" Mars looked at Emma confused.

"No, I really don't mind." Emma smiled.

"What sort of friend are you?" Mars asked.

"A brilliant one." Emma laughed sarcastically.

"Now, how would you like us to take you? Calmly or kicking and screaming?" Mars asked.

"Kicking and screaming, please." Emma smiled and the two grunts came back. They grabbed Emma's arms and dragged her away as she screamed.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

"Ow, what's that?" Allen opened his eyes. It was impossible to see anything. There was a heavy weight on his legs. He noticed that he was tied up.

"Stop kicking me!" Emma shouted.

"Emma?" Allen asked.

"Yes."

"Can you get off my legs?" Allen asked.

"They said it was a cushion. But I kind of guessed it was you since it was uncomfortable." Emma realised she was also tied up.

"Are you going to get up yet?" Allen groaned.

"Um, Allen, do you fancy me?" Emma asked.

"Huh? Don't change the subject! Anyway, the answer's no." Allen tried kicking Emma again.

"Well, the thing sticking into the side of my leg suggests differently." Emma laughed and stood up.

"Erm." Allen sat up. "Where are we?" He heard a thud and a light flickered on. He saw Emma leaning on a light switch. They were in a small room filled with cardboard boxes.

"It doesn't matter. Because, I saved the game when we entered the windworks. So, we just turn off the power and try again." Emma smiled.

"That's brilliant! If I wasn't tied up I'd hug you!" Allen grinned and then both of them disappeared.

Allen and Emma reappeared in the windworks. They walked through the building to find Mars and the two grunts again.

"Welcome, I am Team Galactic Commander Mars. You're not… Why does this seem really familiar?" Mars looked confused.

"No reason," Allen laughed and Emma whistled innocently.

"What?" Mars asked.

"Get 'er!" Allen shouted and sent out his Luxio. Emma sent out her Zubat.

"Go!" Mars threw a Pokeball at Allen but he dodged it and it smashed against the wall behind him. A defeated Purugly fell out of the broken Pokeball.

"Do our Pokemon still gain EXP?" Allen asked.

"Apparently so." Emma pointed at her Zubat. It was glowing. It grew and stopped glowing. Her Zubat had evolved into Golbat.

"I shall not forget this!" Mars said angrily and ran out. The two grunts looked at each other and ran off.

Allen and Emma left the windworks and walked over the bridge that had previously been blocked. They went up the route battling trainers. When I say they, I mean Emma. Allen on the other hand ran up the route beating up little kids and stealing their money. Eventually they came across a house. Inside a woman kept telling Allen he looked tired and should take a rest. Allen got fed up and set the house on fire using his Monferno. Allen and Emma decided to hide amongst the trees. They had entered a forest. Eterna Forest to be exact. Suddenly, a woman with long green hair jumped out of a tree and grabbed Allen.

"Hey, handsome!" the woman smiled at Allen.

"Um, hey." Allen waved. "Who are you?"

"My name's Cheryl and you're going to have a lot of fun finding out more." Cheryl looked at Allen and smiled.

"Are you trying to seduce me?" Allen asked.

"Maybe." Cheryl grinned.

"Oh no you're not." Emma punched Cheryl and she fell over.

"What are you doing? You're trying to steal my precious Allen from me!" Cheryl stood up.

"Oh, just go away you stupid w…" Emma shouted but was interrupted by Allen.

"Cheryl, how do you know my name?" Allen asked.

"Erm, I… Look, I'm supposed to go through the forest with you so come along." Cheryl decided to lead the way. Allen started to follow her.

"I don't trust her so I'll go my way." Emma decided to take a different route through the forest.

After five minutes of walking through the forest, Allen had caught a Beautifly using his new masking tape. Cheryl stopped and turned to Allen. She started to undo her jacket.

"We're finally alone and away from that girl that doesn't want us together…" Cheryl smiled.

"You what?" Allen looked at her shocked.

"Ok, since you're so stupid, I won't charge this time." Cheryl threw her jacket into a tree.

"What? You're a pr…" Allen looked at her.

"Wow, you're not as stupid as I thought." Cheryl smiled.

"No offence, but I'm not interested." Allen protested.

"LEAVE HIM ALONE!" Emma shouted and hit Cheryl round the back of the head with a very big stick. Cheryl fell forwards unconscious.

"Nice one." Allen laughed. He picked up a Pokeball that had fallen out of Cheryl's pocket.

"What are you doing?" Emma asked as Allen put the Pokeball in his pocket.

"I deserve it. I don't know why, but I do." Allen led the way as they headed towards the exit of the forest.

"It's getting late. I'll see you tomorrow." Emma saved and then disappeared. Allen looked around Eterna Forest for a moment and then disappeared himself.

Late that night someone suddenly appeared in Eterna Forest. It was a girl with long pink hair wearing silk pyjamas. She looked around and then walked through some trees. She battled various wild Pokemon. In the five minutes she was there she managed to catch a Dustox, Buneary and Misdreavous as well as evolve her Budew into Roselia. She decided she should go back to bed. The girl went back into the clearing where she had first appeared to find a green haired boy with a Chansey.

"Emma, what are you doing here?" the boy asked.

"Goodnight!" Emma disappeared. Allen then disappeared.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

The next morning Allen reappeared in Eterna Forest wearing smart trousers, a white shirt and a red and black striped tie. Emma appeared and fell forwards onto the floor. She was still wearing her pink silk pyjamas.

"Shouldn't you be in school?" Emma asked.

"Yes, I'm skipping because I just don't feel like it." Allen laughed. "What about you?"

"I'm ill." Emma then sneezed all over Allen as she stood up.

"Nice one." Allen wiped himself.

"Sorry." Emma wiped her nose with her sleeve.

"Look, I've got seven in my team!" Allen held out the Pokeball containing the stolen Chansey.

"No, you've got six." Emma pointed at Allen's belt.

"No! Pachirisu!" Allen cried. Emma led him to the exit of the forest. They walked across a bridge. Allen pushed all four fishermen into the water. The two then arrived in Eterna City. Allen walked across the street and a blonde haired woman ran up to the two.

"Hello there!" the woman waved. She was wearing a long black coat and almost tripped over it.

"Hi…" Allen greeted her.

"My name ith Cynthia. I'm a trainer, jutht like you!" Allen tried to avoid laughing at her lisp.

"And we should care because?" Allen asked.

"You thhould care becauthe I'm going to give you thith." Cynthia handed Allen a disk. "It'th HM01. That meanth you can cut through treeth."

"Wow, thanks." Allen looked at the disc.

"Bye-bye!" Cynthia waved and ran off.

"What a pleasant girl. Didn't understand what she said though." Emma looked at where Cynthia had run off to.

"What cruel person put an s in lisp?" Allen asked. Emma just laughed. They walked into the Pokemon Centre where a woman gave them something for their Poketches. Allen then paid his donation to the Pokemon centre using some of the money he'd stolen from little kids near Eterna Forest. He decided not to withdraw the Murkrow he'd caught the previous night or to get his Pachirisu back from the computer. Emma didn't use the computer either.

"Ok, where now?" Emma asked.

"The Gym according to the book." Allen looked up from his walkthrough. They walked out and down the road. Emma walked into the Gym first and Allen followed. They decided to split up to look for all the trainers. Emma found two and battled them. She defeated them. Meanwhile Allen found the other two, tied them up with masking tape and claimed he'd beaten them.

"You defeated them then?" Emma asked when the two met up.

"Yes… Defeated them…." Allen said and looked around. A ginger haired girl stood looking at them.

"You here to challenge me then?" the girl asked.

"Depends…" Emma looked at her.

"I'm Gardenia, the Gym Leader." The girl introduced herself.

"I know that. It depends if he's actually going to battle you or is he going to do something else to get a Gym badge from you." Emma explained and Gardenia just looked at her.

"Well, since I'm wearing a shirt and tie I don't feel like I have the sexual appeal that I do normally so the option of getting the badge through sex seems out of the question. Looks like we're going to battle." Allen decided.

"Alright a double battle then. You will use one each." Gardenia declared.

"Go, Golbat!" Emma sent out her Pokemon.

"Go, Monferno!"

"Go, Cherubi and Roserade!" Gardenia sent out her Pokemon. Allen stared oddly at Cherubi.

"Monkey, set it on fire!" Allen ordered, Monferno ignited Cherubi. It went up in flames. Then the grass battlefield caught fire. Roserade caught fire and so did Gardenia's shorts.

"Run!" Emma shouted. The two and their Pokemon escaped the burning Gym. When they reached a safe distance they turned around to see the Gym on fire. Suddenly it exploded. Rubble flew everywhere. Two very small objects flew out of the explosion towards Allen and Emma. Allen caught the objects in the palm of his hand. It was a pair of badges.

"What are the odds of that happening?" Allen asked.

"You setting the gym on fire? Very high. The badges falling out of the sky? Pretty much impossible." Emma said. Allen looked at her angrily.

"Moving on." Allen started walking down the road.

"What about Gardenia?" Emma asked.

"I said that we're moving on. That means we change subject and ignore it for a while. Got it?" Allen turned around to speak to Emma and then went back to walking down the road. Emma sighed.

"Fine, where are we going now?" Emma asked.

"Well, you know that Team Galactic we've ran into a couple of times?" Allen asked.

"Yeh," Emma nodded.

"Well, since they were against Professor Rowan, I like them. I'm a bit interested in finding out about them and if it's any good, I want to join. And, there's a Team Galactic building here so where better?" Allen explained.

"I suppose. As you know what they say, an enemy of a Pokemon professor is a friend of mine." Emma ran to catch up with Allen on their way to a very large building in the north of the town. They reached it in a few minutes. They stood at the bottom of the building looking up. They then looked straight ahead at a few trees blocking the entrance.

"They must have one hell of a messed up gardener. Maybe that could be your new job." Allen suggested to Emma but she just nodded.

"Um, moving on. Have you got that disc Cynthia gave you?" Emma asked. Allen nodded and pulled it out of his bag. Emma took it off him and took out a Pokeball.

"How does it work?" Allen asked. Emma sent out her Roselia and looked from the disc to it.

"I think you just put it on its head or something." Emma placed the disc on Roselia's head. Roselia looked at her oddly. It shook its head. Emma tried putting the disc into Roselia's mouth. Once again it shook its head.

"Not as simple as we thought." Allen watched.

"Ok, Roselia, where would you put in?" Emma asked her Pokemon. It turned around, bent down and pointed at its rear.

"You're kidding!" Allen burst out laughing as Emma looked at her Pokemon in a mix of shock and embarrassment.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

While Allen laughed Emma took a deep breath and placed the disc up Roselia's rear. Roselia stood up and smiled.

"It likes it!" Emma looked even more shocked and embarrassed than she had before.

"You can keep that HM." Allen managed to hide his laughter long enough to speak.

"You're loving this aren't you?" Emma asked.

"It is quite funny yes." Allen started to calm down. Emma then reached out and took the HM from Roselia's rear.

"I think I'm going to be sick." Emma held out the disc as she noticed a small brown patch on it.

"As I said, you keep it." Allen waved his hands in protest. Emma wiped it on a tree and put it in her bag.

"Ok, Roselia Cut!" Emma ordered. Roselia pointed its flower hands at Allen and a burst of flames set fire to his trousers.

"That's Flamethrower!" Allen cried as he threw his trousers at one of the trees.

"That's impossible! Two things, Roselia shouldn't be able to learn Flamethrower and two, where'd you get that TM anyway?" Emma seemed even more shocked than when Roselia enjoyed having a disc stuck up its rear.

"That's the one Cynthia gave me." Allen explained. The two looked at each other for a moment and then got distracted by the tree that Allen had thrown his trousers onto. It was on fire. It burnt down and there was an opening for them to walk through.

"At least the tree's down." Emma smiled.

"Bit cold though." Allen said as he followed Emma through the gap into the Team Galactic building.

"Ok, I've just saved the game." Emma turned to face Allen. They were now inside the large building. There were a few Team Galactic members stood scattered around the room.

"What are you doing here?" a girl with turquoise hair went up to them.

"We're here to speak with the person in charge. We're not here to attack, that's Lukas and Dawn, they're not here yet." Emma explained. The girl nodded and took out a small radio.

"Jupiter, another pink haired girl and her trouserless friend are here to see you." The girl spoke into the radio.

"Unless it's my sister send them up." A woman's voice came out of the radio.

"Go straight up." The girl pointed to the stairs. Emma walked over to the stairs and Allen followed. They went up a few sets of stairs until they reached the top floor. A woman with pink hair stood facing the stairs.

"Ah, hello pink haired girl and trouserless friend." The woman smiled.

"Hello… Jupiter wasn't it?" Allen asked.

"Yes it is." Jupiter nodded.

"That's stupid. You're strangely haired people not planets or Roman Gods. Why have stupid names?" Allen asked her.

"Talking of strange hair… What are you doing here?" Jupiter asked.

"Um, yes, we're here to ask about Team Galactic's intentions because we might be interested in joining after we saw a couple of your grunts beating up Professor Rowan." Allen explained.

"You're not only sadistic you're one of us anyway." Jupiter pointed at Allen's hand. He looked at it to see the word Criminal in large red letters still there.

"I'm not too interested about becoming a criminal." Emma looked disappointed.

"But you already are. Remember the Policeman n Oreburgh Gate." Allen reminded her.

"Shh. We're keeping it a secret." Emma hissed at Allen.

"It doesn't matter. We won't tell the Police, after all we're just as wanted by the Police as you are." Jupiter explained.

"That's what's bugging me. You're criminals and wanted by the Police yet you have your own big building and operate out in the open in the middle of the day. Why haven't you all been caught?" Allen asked.

"Pre-programmed events preventing all possible interceptions." Jupiter smiled.

"What?" Allen just stared at her.

"The game rules were set so that we can't get caught." Jupiter dumbed it down.

"Lucky you." Allen groaned.

"Anyway, are you going to join us or not?" Jupiter asked.

"I'm not too sure about it." Emma thought.

"Yes or no?" Jupiter began to get impatient.

"I'm sorry no we won't." Emma shook her head. Allen looked shocked as though he wanted to.

"Then if you won't join us we must dispose of you." Jupiter threw a couple of Pokeballs. Out came a Skuntank and Zubat.

"Dispose of us? That's like kill isn't it? Why use a couple of rubbish Pokemon? Just pull out a gun and blow our heads off. You're criminals, you must have guns." Allen shouted.

"Oh great. Just tell them how to kill us then." Emma said sarcastically.

"That's an excellent idea! Thank you! In fact, you should join us with ideas like that. If you do, we'll spare your life." Jupiter said to Allen.

"Wow, you guys are pathetic if you think that was a good idea." Emma shouted. She threw a Pokeball and her Grotle came out.

"Now that, that is a good idea." Allen pointed and then sent out his Luxio. Luxio immediately turned around and bit onto Allen's leg.

"That has to hurt." Jupiter looked at Allen concerned. Suddenly she was tied up by vines from Grotle. "What are you doing!" She cried out.

"Stopping you. Now, leave!" Emma shouted. Grotle swung its vines and threw Jupiter out of the window.

"Thank you strange people." A man sat curled up in the corner of the room thanked them.

"Where'd he come from?" Allen asked.

"I've been here the whole time you stupid haired boy!" the man stood up.

"What's wrong with my hair?" Allen cried out. "That's it! Grotle, that guy, window, now!" Grotle looked at Emma, she nodded so threw the man through the same window as Jupiter.

"Come visit me in the bike shop!" the man shouted as he flew into the distance.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

"Where next?" Emma asked as they left the Team Galactic building. Allen took out his walkthrough and read for a moment.

"The cycle shop." Allen looked up.

"Well, this is going to be fun." Emma smiled as they head towards their next destination.

"Why's that?" Allen asked.

"Oh it has nothing to do with the fact that the man you had thrown out of the window owns the cycle shop." Emma smiled and said innocently. Allen looked at her oddly and then continued walking.

"Welcome!" the man that Allen had got Grotle to throw through window after rescuing greeted them.

"Hey!" Emma waved.

"Alright hand over a couple of bikes!" Allen demanded.

"Here you go!" the man wheeled a couple of bikes over to them.

"What? No resistance? No charge? No going against your programming?" Allen looked at the man as Emma examined her new black bicycle.

"Nope, none of that. I do as I am supposed to. Anyway, you saved me!" the man explained.

"But we almost killed you…" Allen continued to look at the man oddly.

"Shut up Allen just get your bike and let's go." Emma shouted angrily at him. Allen walked over to the man and took hold of the black bike.

"Trouble in bed?" the man whispered.

"You what? You think we're..?" Allen looked shocked at him. Emma then walked over to the two, grabbed Allen by the collar and dragged him out. They saved and turned off to go and have lunch.

Three hours later Emma was stood by the south exit of Eterna City waiting impatiently. Allen suddenly reappeared next to her except his hair was dark blue and he was back in his regular clothes.

"What took you so long?" Emma asked angrily.

"I got caught skipping school and got suspended." Allen grinned.

"Wait a minute. What's with your hair?" Emma asked pointing at Allen's head.

"It was a bet." Allen stopped grinning.

"Green was weird enough but blue…" Emma looked slightly disgusted.

"I admit it was a pretty big bet." Allen held out a large amount of money. Emma just looked at him. They then went into the building to leave the city. A man in a lab coat greeted them.

"I'm one of Professor Rowan's assistants! If you've seen more than 35 Pokemon I'll give you the EXP share!" the man grinned.

"Rowan's dead, move on but before you go give us that EXP Share." Allen said rudely.

"Have you seen 35 or more Pokemon? Show me your Pokedex." The assistant held out his hand expecting someone to put something in it.

"We don't have it anymore. It tried blackmailing us so we got rid of it." Emma explained. The assistant looked worried.

"Well, you can't have this." The assistant waved the EXP Share. Allen and Emma looked at each other. Emma nodded and Allen stole the EXP share. Both of them ran out. They were stood at the top of a large hill.

"Apparently we have to cycle down it." Allen looked at the road ahead. Suddenly out of nowhere two bikes appeared.

"Now, that's what I call illogical." Emma scratched her head in puzzlement.

"Apparently these things were in our bag." Allen got onto his bike. Emma did the same. They pushed off and freewheeled down the hill. Emma didn't manage to stop before she hit the wall at the bottom. Allen however, crashed a lot earlier. He had crashed into a black haired girl on a bike which resulted in her lying on top of him. She wasn't impressed so threw him and his bike off the edge of the cycle road into a pile of what appeared to be mud.

When Emma woke up after being knocked unconscious by the wall she went to find Allen who was sat on a bridge dunking his clothes into the river. His hair was now back to green.

"What happened to you?" Emma asked. Allen turned to see her.

"Advice, never try to get a date by crashing into the person you want to go out with." Allen shook his t-shirt dry.

"Why?" Emma looked at him curiously.

"Because I got thrown into what I thought was mud. It turned out it had come from that." Allen pointed at a Stunky sat next to him.

"Came from what?" Emma asked.

"The Stunky." Allen pointed at it again.

"What Stunky? You're pointing at thin air." Emma looked at him.

"This Stunky!" Allen picked it up and shoved it in front of Emma's face.

"You're not holding anything." Emma was starting to get a bit angry with Allen. A small dark green cloud came out of Stunky's rear. Emma sniffed a couple of times and then collapsed. Allen grabbed a piece of masking tape and stuck it to the Stunky's rear.

"I don't want her dead." Allen said angrily to the Stunky, it squeaked a couple of times, "Oh, just suffering, that's good. Thanks, how about I catch you and we can put your ass to good use?" The Stunky nodded. Allen held out a Pokeball and Stunky jumped inside.

Allen finished washing his clothes in the river while he waited for Emma to recover. Suddenly she sat up and threw up.

"What the hell happened?" Emma looked at Allen who was reading his walkthrough.

"Um, Stunky farted, you passed out, I caught the Stunky and you just threw up over a Bronzor." Allen looked up from his book. "You know, this has actually got a decent storyline."

"Oh, I'm so sorry little guy, let me clean you off and then you can go." Emma went over to the Bronzor covered in sick.

"Alternatively you could catch it." Allen suggested.

"It won't like me after I threw up on it." Emma continued to look at Bronzor.

"So, my Luxio hates me." Allen went back to reading.

"Alright, I'll use Roselia." Emma sent out her Pokemon. Roselia looked disgusted. "Well, attack it." Roselia shook its head.

"Here let me try." Allen put down his walkthrough and walked over to Roselia. He picked up Roselia and threw it at Bronzor. When Roselia hit Bronzor it began to glow.

**To Be Continued...**

**Yeah, I'm going on holiday so I won't be updating for around a week. So, have a happy and chocolate filled Easter and don't forget to review this.**


	14. Chapter 14

**Hey people! I'm back... Slightly later than expected. So I'll post the next chapter after this a day early to say sorry for making you wait so long. Anyway...**

**Chapter 14**

"Roselia's evolving? But how?" Emma asked as she watched her Pokemon grow.

"Well, it looks like Bronzors covered in sick act like Shiny Stones." Allen looked in the back of his walkthrough. Roselia stopped glowing and had fully evolved into Roserade. Emma then threw a Pokeball at Bronzor while it was distracted by the bizarre evolution. The Pokeball rocked a few times then dinged. It was caught.

"Right, let's go." Emma recalled Roserade and started walking off. Allen followed. When they entered the next route there were two items floating in mid-air. Allen took both of them and walked off. The two came across a cave and Allen checked the walkthrough, they went inside. Half way through the cave a man with spiky light blue hair ran up to them.

"Greetings, this great place, in existence since the birth of Sinnoh…" the man began.

"I don't care, goodbye." Allen pushed the man aside.

"We'll meet again, trust me." The man walked away. Allen and Emma continued onwards. They left the cave. All they had to do to get to the next town was cross the bridge and pass across a small field. The only problem was that most of the bridge had collapsed. Emma crossed the small thin piece of wood first. She just managed it. Allen however ran across and it collapsed behind him. They then entered Hearthrome City. A Buneary ran at them.

"Stupid rabbit!" Allen ran forwards and kicked it. Buneary flew up and hit a young girl.

"Thank you!" the girl screamed as she fell over.

"There, we're even now after you kicked Malcolm's Piplup." Allen said to Emma.

"I'll accept that. Now, where first?" Emma asked.

"This way." Allen didn't need to check his walkthrough because he'd memorised the stuff in Hearthrome City before. They entered a house next to the Pokemon Centre.

"Hello, I'm the administrator of the PC system that stores your Pokemon." A woman sat at a desk turned to face them.

"You b****! I want to carry more than 6 Pokemon with me!" Allen ran forward to attack the woman but Emma restrained him.

"What can you have against me? I'm Bebe, I help people." The woman pleaded.

"Yeh, thanks, I think we'll leave now." Emma pulled Allen out of the building.

"Fine, I'll kill her another time. Now, onto the contest hall to meet Fantina." Allen led Emma to a large round building. When they reached the entrance a man wearing a long pink dress and purple wig ran up to them.

"Hello there, I'm going to the contest hall to enter a contest because that's what ladies do. And of course, I am a lady." The man said in a fake high pitched voice.

"What? Fantina?" Allen looked at him.

"Yes, I am Fantina, the Gym leader, who is a lady. As I am a lady, I am Fantina." The man smiled oddly.

"I get the feeling that Nintendo have being watching Little Britain." Allen turned to Emma.

"Did someone mention Nintendo?" a man in a suit asked as he and a man in a tracksuit arrived at the contest hall.

"Why should you care?" Allen asked.

"Because we work for Nintendo." The man in the suit said.

"Have you been watching Little Britain?" Emma asked.

"Yeah but no but yeah but no but yeah but no but…" the man in the tracksuit said really quickly. The man in the suit silenced him.

"We've been watching more than just Little Britain…" the man in the suit was interrupted by a loud grinding sound. A blue Police Box slowly materialised. When the sound stopped a man that looked like Doctor Who as portrayed by David Tennant walked out of the Police Box.

"Allons'y!" the Doctor ran off somewhere in the city.

"Why did you start watching BBC when you were programming Hearthrome City?" Allen asked.

"Well, this whole thing happened what I don't know nothing about so shut up!" the man in the tracksuit protested.

"Just wait until you see the Top Gear race between Jeremy Clarkson in a superpowered Fiat against Richard Hammond and James May in a jet bus from Eterna City to Sunnyshore City." The man in the suit advertised.

"There's no such thing as a superpowered Fiat." Emma protested.

"How do you know?" Allen asked.

"I used to work in a Fiat dealership." Emma said innocently.

"Moving on!" Allen shouted.

"Anyway, as a lady I can judge things and you're not strong enough to challenge me yet." Fantina then ran off. The two men then walked off.

"Sanity seems to have gone missing here." Emma looked around.

Allen and Emma went to the Pokemon Centre, Emma had her Pokemon healed and Allen earned some money in order to pay for his Pokemon being healed by cleaning people's shoes. Though he did do a pretty poor job but got his money by demanding payment in advance. Allen used the PC to deposit Onix in order to withdraw Stunky. Emma then deposited Bidoof and got out Bronzor. The two then left the Pokemon Centre and headed towards the exit of the city. Malcolm ran up to them.

"Hey! Pink haired n00b!" Malcolm shouted at Emma.

"Ok, Allen, I've reached the point where I agree with you." Emma said calmly.

"You want to kill him too?" Allen asked.

"Stupid n00bs! Battle me!" Malcolm demanded.

"That sounds like a last request and I'm feeling kind, so let's fulfil it for him." Allen raised a Pokeball.

"What's wrong with you?" Emma asked.

"No clue…" Allen threw his Pokeball at Malcolm. It hit him on the head and left a large red lump.

"Fear my Starly! It will pwn you!" Malcolm dropped a Pokeball.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

Out of the Pokeball Allen had thrown Luxio burst out and started biting Allen's leg. An ill looking Starly fell out of Malcolm's Pokeball. Emma sent out Roserade.

"If I want to pwn you, I got to use two to make it fair." Malcolm sent out a Ponyta that could barely stand. Meanwhile Allen was more concerned about his Luxio biting his leg. Allen started kicking Luxio against a lamppost but it didn't seem to do much.

"Roserade Magical Leaf!" Emma ordered. Roserade held out its arm and lots of leaves flew out of its flower. Starly began to run away. The leaves changed direction and started chasing Starly.

"Hey, you n00b! Don't cheat! Cheating's for losers and lazy people!" Malcolm complained.

"Don't you know what Magical Leaf does? It can't miss." Emma watched as the leaves continued chasing Starly. Allen then managed to kick Luxio and have it fly off his leg. Luxio flew in front of Starly. Starly stopped running to avoid hitting it but was hit in the back of the head by Magical Leaf. Starly fell forward defeated. Luxio then smacked into Ponyta, it fell over looking dead. Luxio began to glow.

"This can't be good…" Allen looked worried.

"Why? Your Pokemon's evolving. That's a good thing." Emma watched Luxio grow.

"When it was Shinx, it bit my arm. As a Luxio, it bit my leg. I'm scared it's going to continue biting me." Allen watched as Luxio completely evolved into Luxray. Luxray stood up looking directly at Allen. It growled for a moment.

"I think it's picked its target." Emma grinned. Allen looked at Luxray terrified. Luxray ran forward, jumped up and bit Allen's private area. Allen fell over backwards screaming.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" Allen cried out.

"There he goes out of the gene pool." Emma grinned.

"Lol!" Malcolm laughed.

"Don't just stand there laughing!" Allen shouted.

"But, it's so funny." Emma continued grinning.

"HELP!" Allen cried and then started swearing very loudly.

"Hold still." Emma then raised a crowbar and smacked Luxray on the head. Allen recalled Luxray and began clutching where he'd been bitten.

"Ow!" Allen rolled around continuing to clutch himself in pain.

"Can I recommend not using Luxray ever again?" Emma looked down at Allen.

"I'd already thought of that!" Allen tried sitting up. It hurt him.

"Hey! Stupid n00bs! Stop wasting time and battle me!" Malcolm shouted.

"Emma, can I borrow that crowbar? Speaking of which, where'd you get it?" Allen asked as the pain began easing off.

"Hmm. Good point. I have no idea where it came from." Emma passed Allen the crowbar. Allen stood up, ran over to Malcolm and swung the crowbar round. The crowbar smashed into the side of Malcolm's head and he fell over crying. Malcolm was knocked out the moment he hit the floor.

"Just in case he doesn't survive that we better dump him in a bush." Allen gave Emma back her new crowbar.

"We're in a city, there are no bushes. Wait, has anyone seen us?" Emma looked around and didn't see any other people.

"We'll dump him in those trees near the exit." Allen picked up Malcolm's legs. Emma carried the upper body and they struggled to carry Malcolm's unconscious body through the city. They walked past a man holding an egg.

"Excuse me, would you like this egg?" the man asked the two.

"No thanks." Allen shook his head.

"Aren't you bothered that we're carrying a body?" Emma asked.

"Nope. Well, this egg's going to become an omelette. Do you want an omelette?" the man asked.

"Stop asking questions!" Allen shouted at the man who dropped the egg. The egg smashed on the floor.

"Thanks! Now nobody gets an omelette!" the man shouted back.

"Here's some compensation." Allen threw Malcolm at the man and Emma let go. Malcolm smacked into the man and they fell into a pile on the floor.

"Run!" Emma ordered and they ran out of the city into Route 209.

"Let's see. Nothing much worth catching here." Allen looked into his walkthrough.

"Why? What new stuff is there?" Emma asked.

"For you, Bonsly. I can get Mime Jr." Allen put his book back in his bag.

"Not bothered about them. Let's just train on our way." Emma started walking along the route.

"Yeah, I need a new powerhouse for my team now that I can't use Luxray." Allen caught up with Emma as she approached some long grass. A Staravia jumped out of the grass and started pecking Emma on the head. She didn't react though.

"Hmm. I think I'll battle this." Emma grabbed a Pokeball.

"Doesn't that hurt?" Allen asked.

"Nope." Emma shook her head and Staravia fell off.

"That's not fair!" Allen complained.

"It's not my fault. The game rules decides what hurts and what doesn't and since you haven't been too nice to the game it's getting its own back." Emma looked at Allen while sending out her Golbat to battle Staravia.

"That's it! I won't be satisfied until this Staravia inflicts pain on you!" Allen shouted and pointed at the bird stood in front of him. Allen picked up the Staravia and held it like a javelin.

"That's not a good idea." Emma watched as Allen prepared to throw the Pokemon at her.

"Don't tell me what's not a good idea!" Allen then threw Staravia. It flew forwards a few metres and then fluttered about a bit. When it regained control of its flight it flew and started attacking Allen. Emma burst out laughing as the bird pecked Allen in various places extremely hard. When Allen tried fighting back Staravia bit his finger. Lots of swearing soon followed.

"You satisfied now?" Emma managed to calm down.

"NO!" Allen shouted while continuing to get rid of the attacking Pokemon.

"Why? The Staravia has inflicted pain on me by putting you in so much pain that I got a stitch from laughing so much." Emma clutched herself as she continued to laugh. Allen grabbed the Staravia around the neck and began strangling it.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

"You didn't need to kill the Staravia. You also didn't need to sell it to a child saying it was a very special soft toy." Emma was leaning against the counter of the Pokemon Centre in Solaceon Town. The two were waiting for their Pokemon to be healed.

"Yes I did, how else was I going to get enough money to not have a shotgun pointed in my face?" Allen asked.

"Earn it." Emma suggested.

"I thought you would have learnt by now." Allen looked at his pink haired friend.

"Here you go!" the Pokemon Nurse handed the pair their Pokemon. "Now criminal, be gone!" Allen turned to see the nurse holding a shotgun.

"Ok! I'm going!" Allen ran out of the door.

"So, we've got the Poketch App, we've mugged the woman who gives out the HM for Strength… I'm not bothered about Seals…" Emma looked over Allen's shoulder at the walkthrough.

"There's the Day Care Centre, the place where Pokemon go to have sex. That's unlucky if they can't have sex anywhere else like us…" Allen began. He saw Emma looking unimpressed. "What?"

"I'm not bothered by you talking about sex. But they are." Emma pointed at a group of locals wielding torches and pitchforks.

"This be a kids game!" one of the villagers shouted.

"Oh come on! Half of the people here have guns! Sex is educational, guns aren't as educational as sex but still pretty good." Allen protested as the villagers attacked. The two ran to the northern exit of Solaceon Town and the villagers stopped chasing them.

"And stay out!" the same villager as before shouted after them.

After a few minutes of walking Allen began to get followed by a Ponyta. Allen took little notice of it. To try and get his attention it nudged his arm a few times.

"Why are you following me?" Allen turned around and shouted. Ponyta responded with a long series of horse noises that Allen didn't understand.

"I think it likes you." Emma whispered into Allen's ear.

"I noticed." Allen whispered back. The Ponyta walked over to a bush and pulled out a saddle and some reins.

"Huh?" Emma looked at the Pokemon with riding equipment in its mouth.

"You want me to ride you?" Allen held the saddle and reins. The Ponyta nodded. "I'm a bit big." The Ponyta walked over to a Kricketune that had suddenly appeared in the long grass and kicked it. The Ponyta began to glow and grow. The Ponyta had evolved into a Rapidash. The Rapidash walked back over to Allen and nudged him. He put the saddle and reins onto the Rapidash and climbed on.

"Wow." Emma stood with her mouth hanging open as she watched Allen instantly learn how to ride.

"Check me out!" Allen shouted as the Rapidash began to run.

"Impressive…" Emma watched as Rapidash stopped and stood on just its hind legs. Allen fell off backwards and his trousers caught fire on Rapidash's fire tail.

"AAAAGH!" Allen ripped off his trousers and threw them into a bush.

"Dinner time!" Emma checked her watch.

"Ok, Rapidash, I've got to go now. But I'll be back." Allen went over to Rapidash.

"You're not keeping it." Emma groaned.

"I let you keep that crowbar." Allen pointed as Emma saved the game. The two then disappeared and left Rapidash on its own.

As it was getting dark a Rapidash stood alone eating some burnt grass on Route 210. The whole route had been burnt down. Two people suddenly appeared out of nowhere. A boy with scruffy green hair and a girl with long pink hair.

"See Arthur, I'm back." Allen went over to the Rapidash.

"Oh no, you've given it a name." Emma looked embarrassed.

"What happened here?" Allen noticed the route was burnt.

"Your trousers were on fire and you threw them into a bush which probably caught fire and set fire to everything else." Emma looked around.

"Makes sense." Allen began walking up the route with Rapidash.

"Duck!" Emma shouted. Allen looked up and around to see anything that might hit his head.

"There's nothing going to hit me." Allen shouted back.

"No. Ducks. Psyducks, in front of you." Emma shouted and Allen stopped and noticed the Psyducks blocking the path.

"Now, normally I'd use Rapidash to jump over them and continue. But, I don't want to screw up the game and miss a bit out. So, we go that way." Allen then pointed down an alternative route.

"Are you getting a taste for following the rules?" Emma asked as they entered Route 215.

"No, of course not." Allen then felt a few drops of rain hitting his face.

"It's raining." Emma suddenly got drenched by the sudden downpour. Allen began panicking as Rapidash was starting to get wet.

"Run!" Allen jumped onto Rapidash's back and who charged through the route.

It was a dark night in Veilstone City and there was a Rapidash chained outside the Pokemon Centre. The Rapidash raised its head when the silence was broken by the sound of someone walking through the city. It was a girl. She was wearing soaking wet clothes that were now dangling off her. Her long pink hair was drenched and it covered her face. She trudged slowly into the Pokemon Centre. A boy with slightly damp green hair looked up from a book to look at her.

"Hey Emma." Allen smiled. Emma walked up to him, took off her t-shirt and wrung it out over Allen's head.

"Hi." Emma said gloomily as she put her t-shirt back on. Emma moved the hair from in front of her face and then went to have her Pokemon healed.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

The next morning Emma was still ill and Allen could relax after being suspended. So, they returned to their game where they were in the Pokemon Centre in Veilstone City.

"So, how did you get enough money to prevent having a gun pointed at you?" Emma asked.

"Game Corner. I put in a single coin into the slot machine and got out loads." Allen explained.

"Wow, you're lucky." Emma looked impressed.

"No, some people had rigged it before I got there so it always wins." Allen confessed.

"At least it wasn't you." Emma smiled. "I heard that casinos give a vehicle as a prize. You've got Rapidash, maybe I could get something to travel quickly."

"Sorry, no vehicles. Remember, the only vehicles ever in a Pokemon game that are supposed to be there are the boats, that bullet train between Kanto and Jhoto, the volcanic ski lift in Hoenn and the removal lorries. I might have forgotten one but you get the picture." Allen explained and Emma looked down.

"Right then, Gym?" the two walked out of the Pokemon Centre.

"Sure." Allen then led Rapidash to the Gym.

The two walked inside the Gym after tying up Rapidash outside. They looked around and saw panels blocking the easy path to the back of the Gym. At the back they saw the Gym Leader, a young girl with short pink hair. They heard the sound of glass smashing behind them. They turned to see Rapidash bursting in through the front door.

"Arthur!" Allen shouted. Rapidash ran through the Gym and jumped over the panels. It then stopped and stood facing Maylene, the Gym Leader. It turned and pointed its rear at the young girl. She seemed disgusted by this. Then the horse kicked Maylene and she was flung against the wall. Two small objects flew away from Maylene and Rapidash caught them in its mouth. Rapidash then jumped back over the panels towards Allen and Emma who stood with their mouths dangling open in horror.

"Can we please go to one Gym without it ending with the Gym Leader dying?" Emma asked as she took a Gym badge from Rapidash's mouth and Allen took the other.

"Well, we don't know if Maylene's dead yet." Allen argued.

"Yet! You're going to kill her if she's still alive?" Emma shouted.

"Why not? It wouldn't be the same without a dead Gym Leader. Anyway, if she survives she'll tell everyone about us and I thought you didn't want to be labelled as a criminal like me." Allen explained.

"Why do I even bother?" Emma followed Allen and his Rapidash out of the Gym and back into the streets of Veilstone City.

"Ok, I think the game's about to be very messed up." Allen looked at Emma worried.

"Why?" Emma asked. She wondered if it had anything to do with Rapidash, it had its leg raised as it had a wee on a lamppost.

"Well, the next point of the game is when the Professor's assistant has had a Pokedex stolen by Team Galactic and then there's a double battle to get it back and gain access to the warehouse containing Fly. There is no Professor, assistant or Pokedex." Allen explained.

"Just use Rapidash to jump over the Galactic Grunts and go grab fly." Emma suggested.

"Wait a minute!" a deep voice shouted. "Allen you're not supposed to be concerned about things and Emma you shouldn't be encouraging him or his behaviour!"

"Was that the author?" Emma asked.

"Who else has the power to do this?" the voice shouted. Suddenly Allen's clothes were replaced by a pink dress.

"Well, there's God, me if I'm not wearing anything…" Emma began listing.

"Silence!" the deep voice commanded and Emma hid behind Allen who was crying about wearing a dress.

"Sorry!" Emma pleaded.

"Can I have my clothes back?" Allen asked.

"Only if you two act like yourselves not each other!" the deep voice ordered and Allen's normal clothes returned.

A few minutes later Allen and Emma were stood outside the Team Galactic warehouse.

"Aren't there meant to be guards?" Allen asked.

"Sorry, we were on a coffee break!" two Team Galactic Grunts dressed in weird clothing ran out of the warehouse and one of them shouted.

"You don't need to come out just for us. We have an access all areas pass right here." Allen held up the back of his left hand to show them the word Criminal in big red letters.

"Go right ahead." The first Grunt let the two pass.

The two went inside the warehouse, took the HM for Fly and left. They decided to teach Fly to Allen's Starly. So Allen placed the disc onto the rear end of Starly, it smiled as though enjoying itself and Starly flew upwards a little bit.

"There, despite the fact it's a bird it can only just now fly." Allen looked angrily at the disc.

"Ok, back to Hearthrome City!" Emma grabbed hold of one of Starly's feet and Allen grabbed the other. Rapidash bit Allen's trousers. Starly shot upwards carrying the three and after less than a minute they had arrived in Hearthrome City.

"That's messed up." Allen looked at his Starly.

"It's just a Starly." Emma stroked it.

"It managed to carry two people and a horse here really fast and it's a Starly. How the Hell is that possible!" Allen shouted.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

Allen and Emma headed for the southern exit of Hearthrome City when they were stopped by someone talking to them.

"So, I heard you like Mudkips." A tough sounding voice said. The two looked around to see who it was and they then looked down to see a Mudkip stood in front of them.

"Well…" Emma began.

"I heard correct didn't I!" The Mudkip was now pointing a rocket launcher that had appeared out of nowhere at them.

"Yes, we love Mudkips! Take the girl, do what you want just don't hurt me!" Allen pleaded and held Emma between himself and the rocket launcher.

"I hate you." Emma kicked behind her and hit Allen directly between the legs.

"So, I also heard that you also like Ike from Fire Emblem and Sephiroth from Final Fantasy VII." Mudkip said as Ike and Sephiroth appeared behind it.

"Yes!" Emma looked terrified by the two swords and the rocket launcher being pointed at her.

"Prepare yourself!" Ike waved around his sword a bit.

"None of you are meant to be in this game!" Allen cried out.

"How about this, if you don't kill us we'll worship you as gods and tell you about someone who doesn't like Mudkips, Ike or Sephiroth?" Emma pleaded. The three huddled together and whispered amongst themselves.

"Sounds fair." Mudkip agreed as they turned back to face the terrified Allen and Emma.

"Yeh, Fantina, the Gym Leader, doesn't like you." Allen said and the three headed to the Gym. Allen and Emma immediately ran off with Rapidash not far behind.

They entered Route 212 when they heard a very loud scream and two Gym Badges from Hearthrome City fell from the sky. Allen and Emma caught one each.

"Well, I'm not going to complain about that Gym Leader being dead. It saves us another trip back there and he… She… Whatever Fantina is… Was annoying." Emma looked at Allen.

"Is it me or is this story making less and less sense?" Allen asked.

"Why did you say that?" Emma asked.

"Because I'm the creation of an idiotic author that every so often likes to take a sledge hammer to the Fourth Wall." Allen explained and walked down the road.

"Oh." Emma caught up with him.

After a couple of minutes walking down the road Allen stopped and jumped into a nearby bush. Emma stood staring at him hiding.

"What's wrong with you?" she asked. Allen pointed down the road at a large gathering of Police on patrol and then at the back of his left hand. "You've taken their worst punishment, you've escaped them before and you killed one."

"Me? It was you that smacked him in the face and knocked him out." Allen protested. The Police noticed Emma was talking to the bush and then saw it rustle about. They all walked over to look at the bush.

"You there in the bushes, you have until the count of five to show yourself before I start throwing sharp objects. One… Two…." One Policeman shouted at Allen.

"Oh officers!" Emma called in a seductive voice. The Police officers turned to see Emma dancing topless. Allen poked his head out of the bush to see what was going on.

"Wow." Allen watched Emma like the Police officers were. The officers weren't paying attention to Allen anymore.

"For ****'s sake! You stupid sexually deprived boy! Stop staring and run!" Emma shouted and Allen immediately ran off towards Pastoria City.

About an hour later Allen was sat in the Pokemon Centre in Pastoria City looking at his newly evolved Staravia. He thought that unlike Starly it might actually make a little bit of sense if it could carry someone. Then Emma walked in fully dressed with Allen's Rapidash behind her.

"Hey, thanks for doing that." Allen got up and returned his Staravia to its Pokeball.

"I'm never doing it again. Anyway, let's get your Pokemon healed. Your donation is on me, well, actually the Sinnoh Police Department." Emma pulled some money from inside her top.

"Ok, this story is just getting _very_ inappropriate." Allen said to Emma as his Pokemon were healed by the nurse's machine.

"Allen, Fourth Wall." Emma reminded him.

"Sorry." Allen apologised.

"Now, our Gym battle with Crasher Wake, let's try and do it without killing him." Emma said to Allen seriously.

"We tried that with Gardenia and she had the most painful death of all of them. Well, apart from Fantina, I mean Mudkip, Ike and Sephiroth… That's got to be painful." Allen thought about the Gym Leaders that were dead.

"Well, if you purposely try and kill him he could probably break your neck! You've seen those muscles!" Emma showed him a picture of the muscled wrestler-like Gym Leader.

"We've not purposely killed any of the Gym Leaders. Roark was executed without trial on suspicion of stealing money from his own Gym…" Allen began.

"That you stole." Emma interrupted.

"Gardenia was burnt to death when her Gym exploded…" Allen continued.

"After you set it on fire."

"Maylene died after being kicked into a wall…"

"By your Rapidash."

"Fantina was killed by video gaming history's most powerful characters after _you _bargained with them and told them you knew someone who didn't like them. Get out of that one." Allen grinned.

"You told them it was Fantina, I was going to suggest Malcolm." Allen's grin disappeared.

"Damn why didn't I think of that! Wait didn't we almost kill him anyway?" Allen realised.

"We? You're the one who hit him with a crowbar!" Emma shouted.

"Hey! We're in this together remember! I helped you when you killed that Policeman!" Allen shouted back and then the two realised they'd attracted the attention of everyone in the Pokemon Centre.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

"Be gone criminals!" The nurse shouted, she was pointing a shotgun at the two.

"Oh, look what you've done!" Emma shouted at Allen.

"I said leave!" the nurse shouted and fired a shot. It hit Emma in the chest. She gasped and clutched herself in pain. She fell and Allen caught her.

"No." Allen cried out as Emma struggled to breathe.

"Goodbye…" Emma just managed to whisper and then she closed her eyes and stopped breathing. Allen began crying and laid her on the floor. The people in the Pokemon Centre looked upset but didn't do anything. Allen just stayed kneeling on the floor crying. Suddenly he stopped crying.

"Wait a minute. This is a Pokemon video game, you can't die!" Allen shouted at Emma. Her mouth moved slightly to grin and then she burst out laughing and sat up.

"Aw, that was priceless. You actually care!" Emma laughed as Allen felt really stupid.

"You're a b***h!" Allen shouted, kicked her and stormed out of the Pokemon Centre. Emma then jumped up and chased after him but when she got outside she could see neither Allen nor his Rapidash, Arthur. Emma decided to go to the Gym. Inside she saw Allen facing Crasher Wake as though about to battle him. Emma decided to stay by the door so Allen didn't see her and resort to his usual tactics.

"You can pick first." The Gym Leader offered.

"Ok, Go, Luxray!" Allen threw his Pokeball. Emma wondered why he'd chosen Luxray the only other time he'd dared to use it he ended up in a lot of pain. On appearance Luxray turned around and jumped to bite its master only to fall back when it tried taking a bite from his crotch.

"What the hell?" Emma didn't understand what had happened.

"Huh?" Allen turned to see Emma watching. "Metal underwear, bit heavy but very protective." Luxray regained its senses and looked at Allen confused why it couldn't bite his crotch. Luxray ran forward and headbutted Allen's crotch only to be deflected. It fell into the water and started thrashing about. Electricity sparked everywhere and shot off in all directions. Allen and Emma dived to avoid wild sparks but a few struck Crasher Wake. He was electrocuted and fell to the floor dead. Allen and Emma ran out of the Gym.

"Yet another dead Gym Leader, only this time we didn't get any badges." Emma complained.

"You saw it! I did nothing!" Allen raised his hands.

"Not purposely. So, how do we get into the League now?" Emma asked. Suddenly two sparks flew out of the Gym carrying badges that fell on the floor in front of them.

"Easy see." Allen bent down to pick up one of the badges. He received a slight electrical shock. Emma on the other hand put on a washing up glove before picking up her badge.

"No offence, but at the next Gym can I go in first to battle and then you have a go?" Emma asked as she took the glove off.

"Um… Ok." Allen looked slightly upset and offended.

"Where's Rapidash?" Emma realised Allen's horse wasn't with them.

"Arthur just went to the Great Marsh to get some food." Allen pointed. Suddenly Rapidash came out of the Great Marsh with two Pokemon in its mouth. A Carnivine and a Croagunk. It dropped the Croagunk in front of Allen and the Carnivine in front of Emma.

"Allen, that's not food. I think he's brought us something to catch." Emma looked at the Carnivine lying in pain on the floor. She threw a Pokeball at it and immediately caught it.

"Nice work Arthur!" Allen grinned and Rapidash made a few horse noises that sounded like it was happy. Allen threw a Pokeball at Croagunk and wrapped the ball in masking tape as usual.

"Where's your Luxray?" Emma asked.

"Still in the Gym I think." Allen replied uncertain.

"Shouldn't you go help it before it drowns?" Emma suggested.

"No, he knows what he's doing." Allen went and stood next to Rapidash looking at the Gym. Suddenly the Gym exploded in a giant electrical fury and Luxray shot out of the Gym soaking wet directly into Allen's crotch. Electricity flowed through Allen and he fell to the floor in pain clutching himself.

"You did remember that metal conducts electricity didn't you?" Emma asked as Allen lay on the floor.

"I HATE THIS GAME!" he shouted into the air drawing the attention of any locals that weren't already looking at him for blowing up the Gym.

"I think it's quite fun. Let's go." Emma smiled and started to walk off.

"But you can't get hurt." Allen got to his feet still in a bit of pain. He recalled his Luxray just as it realised what was going on and where Allen's crotch was.

"I've not broken nearly all of the game rules." Emma smiled innocently.

"Not this again." Allen groaned expecting to have Emma get at him about his constant murdering of Gym Leaders and use of masking tape.

Meanwhile in a wheat field somewhere in Jhoto an old man in a lab coat is looked around.

"Hello! Anyone there? Help!" Professor Oak shouted.

Elsewhere in a dark room in somebody's house a person is hidden by shadows as he sits in front of the fireplace stroking a Meowth.

"Ha ha! Professor Oak is lost and alone. Those fools in Sinnoh keep falling out. My plan is going perfectly!" he laughed extremely menacingly.

"Your beer, sir." A butler placed a can of beer onto the arm of the man's chair.

"Thanks; I just want it made absolutely clear that I'm not the main antagonist of this story or even an antagonist at that. I have nothing to do with what's happened to Professor Oak and those two teenagers. I just think what's happening to them is hilarious. My plan… My plan is this beer." The man said in a normal friendly voice and took a swig from the can. Then his Meowth coughed up a hairball.

"I'm not even going to ask!" Allen shouted.

"Ask what?" Emma looked at him.

"Weren't you just paying attention?" Allen asked her.

"Not really. The author had gone to the toilet again I think so I kinda ignored it." She admitted.

"You should pay attention! Who knows what clues and teasers I could be putting in!" the deep voice of the author shouted at Emma.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

Our heroes casually made for the eastern exit of Pastoria City where they came across a Team Galactic Grunt who ran off the moment he saw them.

"Ok, that was odd." Allen stared.

"Hey! Pink haired n00b!" a familiar voice shouted.

"That can mean only one thing… Malcolm." Allen said as they turned around to see Malcolm charge past them into a wall.

"Calm down you stupid twat!" Emma shouted as Malcolm jumped up and down on the spot. He seemed completely unaffected by his collision with the wall.

"You n00bs got any cheese?" Malcolm started raiding Allen's backpack. This resulted in Allen smacking him in the face.

"We're not underground Dairy dealers!" Emma shouted.

"Hey, we've not been to the Underground yet." Allen realised.

"One thing at a time." Emma interrupted him as Malcolm got on his knees begging.

"Come on! I'll stop ROFLing at your Luxray! I'll… I'll share the love on Bebo!" Malcolm pleaded.

"Um… I don't even want those things." Allen looked down on him.

"Fine, I'll poke you on Facebook if you don't!" Malcolm stood up and threatened. Neither of them looked bothered.

"Wait, is that a threat or something? I don't understand these MyFace and Spacebook thingies." Emma looked confused.

"Online Social Networks, check on Wikipedia." Allen suggested.

"Wikiwhat?" Emma looked clueless.

"Do you have a computer!" Allen shouted.

"Yeah, but I can never use it because my parents are always working on it." Emma looked upset.

"Poor n00b girl." Malcolm looked sympathetic for the moment.

"Hey wait a minute, Malcolm, you're not even real! How can you know computer stuff?" Allen asked.

"GIVE ME YOUR GODDAMN CHEESE!" Malcolm shouted.

"Fight me for it." Allen grinned. Malcolm raised a Pokeball.

"Fine I'll use my n00bish penguin!" he declared.

"Fight like a man!" Allen demanded. Malcolm looked at him oddly. Suddenly everything shook and in a weird warping the surroundings changed into the Final Destination stage from Super Smash Bros Brawl. Emma found herself inside a bubble floating around as a spectator. Allen was now sitting on his Rapidash wielding a sword that had appeared from nowhere. Malcolm was stood holding a large squeaky foam hammer.

"What's going on?" Malcolm looked around terrified.

"Three! Two! One! Go!" the deep voice of the author declared.

"Let's Brawl!" Allen shouted and charged forward on Rapidash and swung his sword at Malcolm a few times hitting every time. Malcolm flew backwards in pain but looking unharmed.

"Wow, fifty per cent damage from a single attack." Emma looked at the damage counters that only she could see.

"GIMME YA CHEESE!" Malcolm jumped up and hit Allen on the head with his hammer. It squeaked and Allen barely noticed the hit. Allen then flicked the reins with his free hand and Rapidash jumped and kicked Malcolm with its front legs. Malcolm shot upwards and off screen. Suddenly the two watched as he fell a long distance away.

"Computer Player defeated!" the deep voice declared. Suddenly the surroundings warped back to the exit of Pastoria City and Allen, Emma and Rapidash were stood together looking down at Malcolm lying face down on the floor.

"Now will you leave us alone?" Allen asked.

"Ok, gimme some butter!" Malcolm jumped up.

"Go away!" Allen pushed him over and began walking off.

"I think you've had too much butter already. You need to quit." Emma said to Malcolm as he got up yet again. Malcolm looked clueless at the pink haired girl in front of him.

"Uhhh… Have sex with me then!" Malcolm jumped up and down on the spot exited.

"You're ten, I'm fifteen. Even if you were my age I'd rather do it with Allen and that's never going to happen." Emma started walking off. They walked out onto a beach to find lots of small children playing in the sea.

"Where's a tsunami when you need one?" Allen stopped and asked as Emma caught up with him.

"You don't need one. You're just a cruel minded sadist." Emma faced him angrily.

"Ok, calm down. We'll go to that café and have a drink. No killing or other people's suffering can come from a cup of tea." Allen pointed at the local café and seaside resort.

"When I'm with you that's probably not true." Emma followed him to the café.

"Cup of tea please, seventeen sugars, no milk." Allen ordered the waitress.

"That sounds like a challenge." The waitress grabbed a Pokeball.

"No. I want a cup of tea not a battle." Allen shook his head.

"We're out of tea." The waitress smiled and sent out a Bibarel.

"No, I'm not battling you!" Allen protested.

"Why did you come in then?" the waitress asked him.

"For a drink. That's generally why people go to cafes." Allen replied looking annoyed.

"No, it's not. This is a Pokemon game. Everyone goes to places for a battle." The waitress then gestured Allen to send a Pokemon into battle. Allen was getting very angry very quickly.

"No, Allen." Emma tried to calm him down.

"You guys sell cheese!" Malcolm burst in through the doors of the café.

"Excuse me one moment." Allen walked past Malcolm and shouted out of the door. "Ike! Sephiroth! Mudkip! I've found someone who doesn't like you guys!"

"Sorry Allen, sort this problem out yourself, they're on the toilet." The author apologised.

"What, all three of them?" Allen asked.

"Yep." The author responded with a simple answer.

"Can I bribe you to get rid of Malcolm?" Allen asked.

"How much you got?" The author asked.

"Emma's virginity. That's about it."

"Deal!" A hand appeared out of nowhere and shook Allen's hand.

"Hey!" Emma shouted angrily as the author decided to end the chapter before she tried to stop the bribe.


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

Suddenly a piece of cheese floated around in front of Malcolm. It began to fly away into the distance so Malcolm followed it. Allen grinned as he watched Malcolm running away after the piece of cheese. Emma meanwhile looked worried.

"Ok Allen, that's my part of the deal. Now while Emma and I… You know… Anyway, while we do that you go along this road, past the resort until you get to the entrance to Lake Valor and then Cynthia… The girl with the lisp… She'll come and give you the Secret Potion for the Psyducks. One more thing, you'll have to write that part of the story because I'll be a bit busy." The author explained and left Allen on his own.

"_So yeah, I'm Allen and I'm in charge now… No wait, I just got a text saying that I'm not and don't stop or something… Anyway, I'm terrible at writing stuff so yeah. I did what the author said apart from I kicked some little girl in the head for shouting at me for kicking over her sandcastle or something along those lines. I wasn't really paying attention. Then Cynthia ran up to me and this time she did actually trip on her coat which was hilarious. Apart from she looked weird 'cos of all the blood on her face because she'd smashed it on the concrete floor. Then she said something I didn't understand because of her lisp and gave me that potion thing. I went back to Route 210… I think it's that… The one I accidentally incinerated after Arthur set fire to my trousers. Yeah, that one. I was waiting for Emma and the author to finish and got a bit thirsty so I drank that potion thing… And I don't really want to talk about the rest apart from Monferno incinerating the Psyducks and evolving." _

Emma, now with messy hair, walked up Route 210 escorted by the author who is invisible. They stopped and saw a tall girl with long light green hair and yellow eyes wearing Allen's clothes and screaming. An Infernape was stood poking the girl's left breast in wonderment while Allen's Rapidash just looked embarrassed.

"Don't look at me!" she cried out when she saw Emma.

"Allen?" Emma looked at the green haired girl.

"Unfortunately." The girl looked down.

"What the hell happened to you?" Emma asked.

"I got thirsty and drank the potion." Allen picked up the empty vile.

"Didn't you read the label you fool?" The author asked.

"Secret Potion: A mysterious potion used to cure the headaches of the Psyducks on Route 210. WARNING: Do not drink! Side effects on humans may include sex change, good looks, uncontrollable ability to produce pheromones that make Electric Type Pokemon sexually attracted to you…" Allen read the label.

"Can you smell something?" The author asked.

"Yes actually and I think it might have something to do with them." Emma pointed at a large group of Electric Pokemon running towards Allen.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! Author! Do something!" Allen screamed. There was a belch and the Electric Pokemon sniffed for a moment before collapsing.

"Nice." Emma looked rather disgusted.

"Thanks, now can you undo the potion's effects?" Allen asked.

"Yes I can." The author said happily.

"Will you?" Allen asked.

"Nope."

"Please, I'll take my top off." Allen offered.

"I don't take two bribes in quick succession. Plus, you trying to be a girl will be hilarious. I know, I'll get rid of the pheromone stuff and we'll see how it goes. Now, I'm going back to my bedroom to listen to the Kaiser Chiefs while writing more of this story."

The two girls with Rapidash behind them walked off towards Celestic Town together with Allen admiring his… her new breasts. Wow, this is going to be a grammatical nightmare.

"You know what? That potion had some good points. I mean, look at these!" Allen was squeezing herself.

"Most girls don't do that." Emma shook her head.

"Most girls don't fancy themselves. Not going to stop me." Allen smiled.

"I guess you're right about the good points. Not necessarily the good points you think of but I think it'll give you a chance to experience what being a girl is like and learn to respect us." Emma was still adjusting to Allen's changes.

"Plus, with the good looks part of the potion I'll be able to get all kinds of girls." Allen seemed triumphant.

"With that body you'll only get one kind of girl." Emma looked at her.

"Hmm." She smiled and then realised what Emma meant. "Oh."

"Come on then!" Emma headed off towards Celestic Town after their conversion.

"So how was he?" Allen asked.

"What?" Emma stopped and looked confused.

"The author. In bed." Allen said as though it was obvious what she had meant.

"Surprisingly good. Apart from his foot being on fire. That caused a few problems. Wait! Why I am I telling you of all people about my sex life?" Allen looked at her pink haired friend in shock as she stormed off ahead.

"Sorry." Allen ran after her.

"Ok, that's weird." Emma stopped and looked ahead. Allen caught up with her.

"What's weird?" she asked.

"Two things. Firstly, you apologised!"

"Oh your god! What is this potion doing to me?" Allen looked worried.

"I don't know. Secondly, Celestic Town is a nuclear wasteland if you hadn't noticed!" Allen then realised the large glowing crater in front of them where Celestic Town should have been.

"How are we meant to get the HM for Surf now?" Allen asked sounding very annoyed.

"Stop thinking about yourself for once! An innocent little village has been completely wiped out!" Emma shouted at her.

"They are computer programmed losers! Who cares if they get killed in a nuclear blast?" Allen responded.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

After their evening meals Allen and Emma returned to their games. They were still stood outside of what was once Celestic Town and now a nuclear wasteland.

"So, without Surf we can't get any further in the game." Emma was sat next to Allen who was still a girl.

"Pretty much. We're at Game Over." Allen put down her walkthrough.

"So that's it. We just turn it off and don't return?" Emma asked.

"Yeah, I guess so. You could always restart it. As for me, I think I'll have a go on a Pokemon Mystery Dungeon game." The two stood up and looked at each other.

"Then this is goodbye. It was fun knowing you." Emma held out a hand for a handshake. Allen was about to shake when a man with blue hair wearing what looked like a Team Galactic uniform came up to them.

"I couldn't help but overhear your conversation. I am Cyrus and I just happen to have what you're looking for." Cyrus introduced himself and held up a disc.

"Ok, what's the catch Galactic guy?" Emma asked.

"Nothing, I simply wish to repay the ones who created this." Cyrus referred to the nuclear wasteland.

"We didn't do this." Allen said.

"Of course you didn't, Miss. But your friend here and her boyfriend that looks sort of like you inspired my company to use weapons instead of Pokemon. So, here is my way of saying thank you." Cyrus then gave the disc to Emma and walked off.

"Ooookay? That was odd. The main antagonist of the game just helped us." Allen watched Cyrus walking off into the distance.

"We're off to Canalave City then. You got your Staravia?" Emma asked. Allen grabbed a Pokeball and sent out a small grey bird.

And so, Staravia flew to Jubilife City carrying the two girls and Rapidash. When they arrived they immediately headed west out of the city. At the end of the fishing pier they stopped and looked along the water to their destination.

"Have you got any Water Pokemon?" Allen asked Emma.

"Nope, I caught a Buizel but it's in the PC." Emma shook her head.

"Fine we'll use Shellos." Allen sent out the Pokemon he had caught after standing on it. Emma handed her the disc. Allen then stuck the disc up Shellos's rear. When she tried to remove it she couldn't. Shellos then jumped into the water. Suddenly the disc folded and opened up to transform into an outboard motor.

"Allen, you've not thought this through." Emma looked angry.

"Why? We taught Shellos Surf." Allen didn't see what was wrong.

"It's a Shellos! You managed to squash it by standing on it! It's not going to carry two people and a Rapidash!" Emma shouted.

"Oh, good point. Don't worry I'll think of something." Allen started thinking.

"We could always try and get a stronger Water Pokemon that can carry us." Emma suggested.

"Oh yes! I'm a genius! And pretty damn sexy which always helps." Allen grinned.

"No Allen, you're not going to try and seduce someone are you?" Emma looked embarrassed.

"Actually that's a good idea but no." Allen climbed onto Rapidash and got hold of the reins. Rapidash ran forwards and jumped onto one of the rocks in the river. Then the two jumped between rocks and landed on the other side.

"Well what about me?" Emma shouted across the river.

"Try using Shellos, doesn't matter if you kill it. If that fails, swim." Allen then started riding towards Canalave City.

In Canalave City many people turned to see a slim, long green haired girl riding through the city streets on the back of a Rapidash. She dismounted next to the Pokemon Centre and went inside. She hid the word Criminal on the back of her left hand with some fingerless gloves and had her Pokemon healed without having a shotgun aimed at her for not _"donating"_. Outside a girl with long soaking wet pink hair trudged up to her.

"Why am I always the one who gets wet?" Emma asked.

"Because I'm the one who is always getting hurt. Unless you want to swap." Allen offered.

"No, I'm fine." Emma went inside the Pokemon Centre to have her Pokemon healed.

"So, what happened to Shellos?" Allen asked when Emma walked out.

"Here you go." Emma lifted her foot and peeled a squashed Shellos of off it and handed it to Allen.

"Is it dead?" Allen looked at it. Suddenly the flat Shellos began to glow. Allen dropped it as it evolved into a Gastrodon.

"Apparently not."

When the girls were ready they headed towards the Gym on the other side of the canal. As they crossed the bridge a short blonde haired boy ran up to them.

"EW! Lesbians. That's disgusting! Stop it!" Malcolm cried out.

"We're… We're not lesbians." Emma sighed.

"I am." Allen grinned.

"Wait, where's the normal green haired n00b? I want to pwn him!" Malcolm shouted.

"I don't have time for this." Allen pushed Malcolm off the bridge into the canal and continued on route to the Gym.

"I think that's the fastest we've ever dealt with him." Emma thought for a moment.

"I wish it was the last time." Allen then opened the door to the Gym.

"Wait. You have to wait while I battle the leader as agreed. Don't do anything! Don't touch anything! Just stand there and breathe when necessary." Emma explained as they approached a man with spiky purple hair holding a shovel.

"Greetings ladies! I am the Gym Leader, Byron." The man introduced himself.

"Actually, it's getting late. I'm going to go to bed." Emma turned to Allen. She saved the game and disappeared.

"Just us two then…" Byron smiled. Allen then looked worried.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

The next morning Emma reappeared out in the middle of a street in Canalave City. She looked around confused.

"I thought we saved in the Gym." Emma continued to look around as Allen approached her.

"Ill again?" Allen asked.

"Sort of. I'm doing a bit of acting to stay off school." Emma explained.

"Here you go." Allen handed her a badge.

"What did you do?" she asked angrily.

"It was a provoked attack." Allen tried to explain.

"What did you do!"

"Well, Byron tried to rape me so he could get a new son after his last one was executed. So, I beat him to death with his shovel." Allen explained.

"I guess it's self defence." Emma didn't look too happy about it though.

"Come on. Lake Valor next." Allen sent out Staravia.

"You know what's worrying me? You always seemed so proud of your manhood but you're not even remotely bothered that it's gone!" Emma looked at her green haired friend.

"Yeah, I've noticed that too." The author interrupted. "I kept Allen as a girl because I thought it would make him suffer and it would be hilarious with him complaining so much but… HE'S ENJOYING IT!"

"I can't help my natural male urges loving constant access to looking at these." Allen held her breasts.

"Well! I'm putting a stop to it!" the author shouted. Suddenly Allen returned to his normal male self.

"It's just not the same." Allen poked his chest. "Every cloud and all that. I can get any girl I want with this." Allen looked down his trousers.

"No, not many would want you." Emma shook her head.

"Whatever. I'm going to Lake Valor, you coming?" Allen asked.

"Well duh." Emma said sarcastically and walked over to him.

Dangling from the feet of a Staravia, Allen, Rapidash and Emma flew to Pastoria City. When they landed Allen immediately kicked his Staravia.

"You stupid bird! I said Lake Valor! Not Pastoria City!" Allen shouted. Staravia jumped up and started attacking him. Allen recalled his Pokemon.

"You can only fly to towns and cities. We have to go the rest of the way on foot." Emma explained.

"That's stupid and illogical." Allen complained.

"You say that about most things in this game." Emma started heading towards Lake Valor with Allen.

"That's because they are." Allen then decided to be quiet until they reached the lake.

The three walked through a small clearing in some trees into a large open space where there was a large crater.

"This isn't a lake. There's no water." Allen looked down into the crater and noticed lots of Magikarp lying on the floor.

"Ha ha! That would be our doing! We drained the lake to find the mirage Pokemon that lives here! And I'm off to do the same at Lake Verity!" a Team Galactic Grunt declared and ran off. The two walked into the crater and went up to the cave at the centre. Inside they found a man in Team Galactic uniform with dark blue hair laughing manically.

"Commander Saturn I assume." Allen interrupted him. The man turned to face them.

"How the hell to you know my name?" Saturn asked.

"I read the Walkthrough. Now, it says we're to battle you but you still get away with Azelf so I don't see much point." Allen explained.

"So, you're suggesting that we don't have a pointless fight and just continue what we were doing?" Saturn asked.

"Pretty much." Allen nodded.

"Don't I get a say in this?" Emma asked.

"No!" Allen and Saturn shouted together.

"You really do belong with them. You get on so well." Emma said to Allen.

"I would be with them if you hadn't stopped me." Allen looked at her annoyed as the two walked out of the cave and met up with Rapidash.

"Can we change the subject?" Emma asked.

"Sure, we have to go back to Lake Verity next, beat Mars and then Rowan shows up and sends us north." Allen explained.

"Well, Mars will get Mesprit anyway and Rowan's dead so no point really, let's just go to the next place." Allen looked at Emma shocked.

"You actually think we should skip a bit?" Allen asked.

"Ahem! Remember last time this started?" The author interrupted.

"Sorry, we're skipping Lake Verity anyway!" Allen shouted to the author unsure where exactly he was.

"Fine." The author had practically given up trying to reason with Allen.

"Ok, so where next?" Emma asked.

"Lunch. I missed breakfast and I'm starving." Allen held his stomach. Allen saved the game and both of them disappeared.

Some time later Emma returned to the route wearing a sleeveless top and a mini-skirt. She looked around looking for Allen, she couldn't see him.

"Hello!" Allen shouted and Emma spun around to see Allen wearing a thick raincoat with the hood up.

"Don't scare me like that! Any particular reason you're wearing a coat?" Emma looked at him still in shock.

"Power cut in the middle of a storm and the roof's leaking again. I may be wrong but I don't think you know where we're going next." Allen explained.

"Nope, I only know the general idea that we encounter Team Galactic again at some point, something to do with Palkia and there's the Elite 4. I don't like too many spoilers. Why'd you bring it up?" Emma asked.

"No reason." Allen lied as he looked at Emma's mini-skirt.

"Pervert." Emma hit Allen and started to walk off. She then stopped. "I don't know where we're going."

"We have to fly again." Allen said. Rapidash looked at him gloomily.

"I don't think Rapidash likes flying." Emma looked at the horse.

"Right then, I'll ride him. You take Staravia and I'll see you in Eterna City." Allen climbed onto Rapidash's back and threw a Pokeball to Emma.

"Wait! People will be able to see up my skirt if I fly over people!" Emma shouted after Allen as he rode away.


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

"Oh look, a pink haired maiden awaiting her knight in waterproof armour to sweep her off her feet, slay the foul beast known as boredom and take her some place in the north!" Allen rode quickly through the streets of Eterna City towards Emma who was sat on the step outside the Pokemon Centre.

"Loser!" someone shouted and a rock flew from a nearby window and hit Allen in the head. He fell off Rapidash who continued running and smacked into the wall of the Pokemon Centre.

"Ow. What the Hell was that for?" Allen sat up and rubbed his head.

"I, like many, dream of being whisked away by a handsome guy on a shining white horse. But all I ever get is you charging full speed on a Rapidash only for you to get hit in the head with a rock." Emma went over to Allen and looked down.

"At least your dream is getting close. A handsome guy turned up on a horse. The horse wasn't exactly shining white and it didn't end necessarily the way you wanted but it's progress." Allen stood up.

"Don't lie to yourself. Or other people. You're not handsome; you're just relatively good looking." Emma laughed.

"Relative to what?" Allen asked.

"A donkey's rear end." Emma smiled and walked over to Rapidash who was just getting up.

"You can be really mean sometimes." Allen said looking hurt.

The pair walked into Mt Coronet with Rapidash beside them. Emma stopped and looked around.

"I think we might need to catch some new Pokemon or train our current ones, we're falling behind because we don't seem to battle too often." Emma suggested.

"Well, I guess so. The only thing I really want to catch in here is Feebas." Allen decided.

"Hold on! In the third gen games Feebas was really hard to catch. Is it still?" Emma asked.

"Of course not. Bit of masking tape on it should do fine." Allen grinned.

"No, I meant finding it." Emma shook her head as they entered a different part of the cave containing a large lake.

"Ah… Yes it is extremely difficult. It can only be found in four different tiles of that lake and they change everyday and are different on every copy of the game. And it's very rare in the four tiles it can be found in." Allen explained.

"You're going to be here ages looking for it." Emma looked at his as though he was an idiot.

"No, I'm not. Because I'm going to drain the lake and find one lying on the bottom."

"And how are you going to drain the lake?" Emma asked. Allen rummaged through his bag and starting pulling out lots of sponges.

"Super absorbent sponges. Dump them in there and they absorb all the water." Allen picked up all the sponges in his arms.

"Actually, that's quite clever." Emma looked surprised as he threw the sponges into the lake.

"Actually, I saw it on The Simpson's only with kitchen roll." Allen watched as the water level started going down.

"You shouldn't own up to something like that. I just complemented you and you made me take it back. You should really have taken the credit for yourself." Emma watched the lake as well. The water had almost disappeared and Pokemon were lying flapping around on the floor. Allen jumped down and found a Feebas. He threw a Pokeball at the Pokemon that was gasping as it needed water. The Pokeball rocked a couple of times and dinged. It suddenly disappeared.

"I'm really starting to hate Bebe." Allen growled angrily as he looked at where his Pokemon should be.

"Actually, I think you started hating her when you caught your seventh Pokemon. You've already tried attacking her." Emma helped Allen climb out of the empty lake.

About ten minutes later Allen was stood near the exit talking to Emma.

"So, let me get this straight, in the time it took me to evolve my Stunky that for some reason you can't see, you managed to evolve your Grotle, Bronzor, Geodude and Golbat?" Allen looked at her.

"Yes." Emma looked proud of herself.

"Well, you know what. I'm glad you're wearing a mini-skirt. Two reasons, I get to see your legs and you get to suffer." Allen grinned triumphantly and Emma looked at him angrily.

"How do I suffer wearing a mini-skirt?" Emma asked.

"You might feel a slight breeze." Allen walked out of the cave into a blizzard. Emma followed him and suddenly hugged herself for warmth and fell onto her knees too cold to move.

"You could have warned me!" Emma shouted.

"You don't like spoilers so I decided not to ruin it for you." Allen laughed as he zipped up his coat and put his hood up. "Come on then." Allen started walking down the snow covered road and Emma struggled to get up and slowly trudged down the road after him.

Emma lost sight of Allen who had got too far ahead. As she made her way down the road she stopped to battle the only trainer who hadn't been pushed into a tree while skiing. She won and practically fell through the doorway of the house she had come across.

"Wha' d'ya think ya doin' in our 'ouse?" the man sat at the table looked at the freezing cold girl lying on the floor of his house.

"This is a rest stop isn't it?" Emma looked up from the floor.

"No' for ya kind it aint." The man reached for a shotgun under the table as Emma stood up.

"My kind?" she looked at him confused.

"Ya a cheerleader!" the man loaded his gun.

Meanwhile Allen stopped walking when he thought he heard a shout from behind him. Suddenly there was a loud bang and the man from the rest stop fell from the sky in front of him.

"What the ****?"

"She aint a cheerleader." The man groaned. Allen looked at him for a moment and walked off.


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

Some time later Emma eventually arrived in Snowpoint City. She immediately saved the game refusing to ever travel that route again. She then trudged into the Pokemon Centre and handed her Pokemon to the nurse who healed them.

"You wouldn't happen to have seen my friend here would you? Green hair, very hard to miss." Emma asked the nurse before leaving.

"Yes actually, lovely boy, awesome hairstyle, great looks, falsely accused of crimes. Yes, he was here." The nurse smiled.

"Um, are you feeling alright?" Emma asked looking concerned.

"Yep, absolutely brilliant. Well, apart from these breasts, they're not that good." The nurse continued to smile and Emma started looking scared.

"Ha ha, the look on your face. Priceless!" Emma heard Allen laughing. Suddenly he walked out of the nurse and through the counter. He stood next to Emma and waved.

"What the Hell!" she shouted.

"My package arrived. I ordered Action Replay from eBay when I first got the game. That was my plan all along to cheat. I'm using the Walk Through Walls cheat." Allen explained.

"So, you can take control of people by walking into them?" Emma asked.

"Pretty much. Now, I'm not paying a donation so I need to use you to get my Pokemon healed." Allen grinned.

"What? No!" Emma cried out as Allen walked through her and took control of her body.

"Huh? Can I help you Miss?" the nurse asked having realised what was going on after being released by Allen.

"Could you heal these for me?" Emma asked as she handed the nurse Allen's Pokemon. The nurse healed the Pokemon and returned them to her.

"Thank you. Come again." The nurse smiled. Her smiled turned to a look of confusion when Allen walked out of Emma's body.

"What? What happened?" Emma looked around.

"I just got my Pokemon healed. Come on." Allen said and the two walked out of the Pokemon Centre.

"I'm worried about you having Action Replay. We've messed up the game enough without hacking." Emma looked at Allen.

"All I've done is take control of a couple of people, catch an Arceus and caught a level 100 Starly that only knows Explosion." Allen explained.

"Why?"

"I wanted an Arceus." Allen admitted.

"No, why an exploding Starly?" Emma asked.

"I wanted to know if it worked." Allen smiled and walked into the Gym. Emma followed. "Plus, I think the author is making references to his FanFic series, Pokemon Britain. I was actually in that, but I had silver hair and I was the ultimate in evil. Actually, I need to have a word about that. I would have loved to have been like that in this one."

"Well, that wasn't blatant plugging." Emma said sarcastically.

"Damn you!" the author shouted at Emma.

"I'll just go get Candice over here so we don't have to bother with this stupid maze." Allen walked across the ice, through a couple of snowballs and into the body of a small girl at the back of the Gym. The Gym leader then skated to the front of the Gym to meet Emma.

"Well, here's a Gym badge and one for your incredibly sexy friend. Now, come on." Candice handed Emma two badges and led her out of the Gym.

"Allen, what are you doing?" Emma asked as they walked towards the harbour.

"She saw me cheating, thus, she must die." Candice grabbed a Pokeball and walked out into the water. She began to drown as Allen walked out of her body and along the top of the water.

"Look I'm Jesus!" Allen laughed just before he walked back to land. Candice was thrashing about and realised she was holding a Pokeball.

"Whichever of my faithful Pokemon this is, assist me!" she cried and threw the Pokeball. A Starly emerged from it standing on the water's surface. The Starly tilted its head and exploded.

"Can we go to one Gym without killing the Gym Leader?" Emma asked.

"We've been through this, I don't do it purposely." Allen defended himself.

"Are you trying to tell me you only accidentally tried to drown Candice and you only accidentally blew her up?" Emma asked angrily.

"I'm trying but you're not making it very easy." Allen complained.

Rapidash found the two and followed them into a house in the north east of the town. Inside an old man was sat at a table.

"Do you young ones want to hear a trendy saying?" the old man asked.

"Not really. We came here because you're old and can't defend yourself in the event of burglars." Allen had a look around the house for anything valuable.

"Washing Machine! There, that's a trendy saying." The old man smiled.

"Not really." Emma looked unimpressed.

"So I hear you like Mudkips. That's trendier than bloody washing machine." Allen looked at the old man.

"No it isn't! And I don't even like Mudkips." The old man protested.

"Well you have nothing of value. Goodbye." The three walked out of the house. They walked towards the exit of Snowpoint City when they heard a shout behind them.

"GREAT AETHER!"

"What was that?" Emma asked.

"It sounded like Ike." Allen turned around to see the old man's house gone and the old man lying in several small pieces on the floor. Ike, Mudkip and Sephiroth were stood next to a nearby bus stop looking around.

"Run! Just run!" Emma charged for the exit of Snowpoint City.

"No time to run. Ride like the wind Arthur!" Allen jumped onto his Rapidash's back and rode off ahead of Emma.

The pair escaped Snowpoint City unharmed and arrived at Lake Acuity to find Team Galactic's Jupiter laughing manically and watching some bubbles in the lake.

"Isn't Malcolm supposed to be here?" Allen asked. Jupiter stopped laughing for a moment and remembered the two.

"Other Pink Haired Girl and Trouserless Friend! Good to see you. Malcolm? He's right there." Jupiter pointed at the few remaining bubbles surfacing from the lake.

"I like you!" Allen grinned as he looked more closely into the water to see Malcolm drowning.

**To Be Continued...**


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

Allen, Emma and Jupiter stood by the edge of Lake Acuity watching Malcolm struggling to breathe underwater. Malcolm suddenly gasped and water poured into his mouth. Emma looked away. Suddenly Malcolm's body completely froze over. The temperature had finally hit him. The large block of ice he was in sank to the bottom of the lake and out of sight.

"He's dead… I can't believe it… He's finally dead… Malcolm is dead!" Allen jumped up in celebration.

"Why not come back to our headquarters in Veilstone to celebrate?" Jupiter offered.

"Sounds good." Allen nodded.

"We're the bad guys so we're supposed to say that it sounds evil. But that just sounds retarded." Jupiter said as she led the two and Rapidash to her helicopter.

"I really like you! You are normal, you killed Malcolm and you have a helicopter!" Allen watched as a Team Galactic helicopter landed in front of them.

"You said it yourself about there being a limited number of vehicles. This shouldn't be possible." Emma didn't look too happy.

"Malcolm's dead. That wasn't possible. Anyway, there was a Police car when Roark was arrested." Allen pointed out.

"I guess we've screwed up the game now. Malcolm's dead, we're teaming up with Team Galactic, you've got Arceus, all but one of the Gym Leaders are dead and… That!" Emma pointed at Rapidash as she got into the helicopter. Rapidash had already got on and was sat reading a newspaper.

A short while later the helicopter arrived in Veilstone City outside of Team Galactic's Headquarters. Allen, Emma, Jupiter and Rapidash walked up to the building and looked up to see a large block of ice wedged into the wall. They each took a step back and the ice fell in front of them. It smashed and Malcolm lay soaking wet and shivering on the floor.

"****! ****! ****! ****ing ****!" Allen shouted.

"You guys… You got any cheese?" Malcolm shivered.

"NO!" Allen fell to his knees crying.

"I'm off to become Pokemon League Champion! Catch ya later n00bs!" Malcolm then ran off completely fine.

"Dammit! We weren't counting on him being as good at surviving as he is annoying." Allen got up.

"A dangerous mistake to make." Jupiter looked at Allen.

"What I don't understand is what happened that had enough force to fire a block of ice all the way around the world?" Emma looked puzzled.

"Snowpoint and Veilstone are actually reasonably close." Allen pointed out.

"But Snowpoint City is north of here and this is a south facing wall. It had to have come the long way round." Emma explained.

"Hmm. I don't know." Allen looked up at the hole in the middle of the wall.

Meanwhile next to an empty Lake Acuity, Mudkip, Ike and Sephiroth are stood together talking.

"Any particular reason you used Hyper Beam on the lake?" Ike asked Mudkip.

"Three actually." Mudkip grinned.

"I didn't think Mudkip could learn Hyper Beam." Sephiroth wondered.

"I can learn everything!" Mudkip jumped up and shouted in Sephiroth's face.

"So, what are these three reasons?" Ike asked.

"Firstly, I felt like it. Secondly, a Magikarp that lives there said my mother was fat…"

"You never knew your mother. Anyway, most Swampert are quite large." Ike interrupted.

"That's beside the point." Mudkip continued. "And finally, I wanted to FIRE MA LAZAR!"

Back in Veilstone City Allen was sat reading a copy of Official Nintendo Magazine with Emma and Jupiter peeking over his shoulders to read.

"Oh he's back from the toilet." Allen put away the magazine and stood up.

"Actually, no. I was just giving an explanation to the readers." The author explained.

"So where were we?" Jupiter asked.

"We were going to celebrate Malcolm's death but since he's alive there's no point." Allen explained.

"Well, I'm going in here anyway. Goodbye." Jupiter walked inside the Team Galactic Headquarters.

"So what now?" Emma asked Allen who was now looking in his walkthrough.

"We're supposed to go into the warehouse and find the keys to this place since I used Action Replay I already have them. So, we just march through the front door." Allen spun a set of keys around his finger.

"What are those key rings?" Emma asked and Allen noticed a couple of key rings attached to the keys.

"Let's see. Alton Towers, Disney Land, if found please return to Jupiter, Lesbian Gym Leader by 2012… The one girl I find in the game that I like that likes me turns out to be lesbian. Just my luck." Allen looked angrily at the key rings.

"Karma maybe?" Emma suggested.

"You'd think with all the crap happening to me that the world would be in balance by now and should start going my way." Allen complained.

"Possibly, before you got Action Replay and killed Candice." Emma thought.

"Right then, let's go in!" Allen stepped forward towards the building but Emma didn't.

"Is that it? No denying it? No claiming you were provoked into killing Candice? No saying there's nothing wrong with cheating?" Emma looked at him.

"Why should you care? If anything, you should be happy or are you going pink haired emo on me?" Allen turned around.

"Nah, I'm just getting used to you." Emma followed Allen into Team Galactic's Headquarters.


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27**

"I think we just take this warp on the left and go up the stairs." Allen pointed at a circular warp pad on the floor.

"Not another one. They've been making me dizzy." Emma held her head as they approached the warp pad.

"Last one. I promise." Allen stepped on the pad, spun around and disappeared. Emma took a deep breath and stepped on the pad.

Allen stood by the warp pad he reappeared on waiting for Emma. The moment she appeared she fell on top of him and threw up.

"Hey! This t-shirt cost a lot of money!" Allen shouted angrily

"Sorry about that." Emma stood up properly. Allen took his t-shirt off and abandoned it in the corridor. The pair then walked up the stairs to find Cyrus, the leader of Team Galactic, sat with a drink and a newspaper.

"Ahem." Allen coughed. Cyrus looked up to see the two. He immediately threw aside his newspaper and stood up.

"You're here earlier than I expected. Usually it takes people longer to get here. So anyway, I've been expecting you because Jupiter told me you were coming. Other Pink Haired Girl and Trouserless Friend I presume." Cyrus began.

"Yeah, we already had Jupiter's keys. So that took some time off." Allen smiled innocently.

"She described you as unlikely to be wearing trousers, but here you are topless." Cyrus examined Allen.

"Funny story, however, I don't feel like telling it. So, I'll just call for my Rapidash and we'll be on our way. ARTHUR!" Allen shouted and his Rapidash burst through the window.

"How'd he do that? We're quite high up." Cyrus asked.

"You questioned him. You shouldn't do that." Allen shook his head. Rapidash turned around and kicked Cyrus in the face. He flew backwards into a wall.

"I'm sorry! Take this!" Cyrus threw a purple and white Pokeball to Allen. He caught the Master Ball and handed it to Emma.

"You're giving me the only Master Ball?" Emma looked at the Pokeball in her hands.

"I already have 99 thanks to Action Replay, you deserve at least one." Allen looked at her as they walked into the next room with Rapidash. Behind them Cyrus got up and went back to reading his newspaper.

"Thank you Allen!" Emma jumped up and hugged the green haired boy who seemed quite happy about it.

"Hello again." Saturn, the blue haired Team Galactic Commander, greeting the two.

"You done here yet 'cos we need to press the big red button and set these Pokemon free?" Allen asked.

"Oh, yeah. Go ahead." Saturn stepped aside. Emma stepped forward and pressed the large red button in front of her.

"It's not doing anything. Why aren't the Pokemon being freed?" Emma looked around at the three Pokemon still trapped.

"The big red button's just for show. You need to use the computer." Saturn pointed at the computer next to Emma. She sat down at it and looked for a moment.

"So, what do I do?" she asked.

"You need to highlight the heading that says View and a drop down menu should come up." Saturn pointed at the screen. Emma did as she was told.

"Ok, what do I click?" she asked as she read the options.

"Go into the Toolbars bit and there should be one that says Pokemon Cage. Click that." Saturn instructed and Emma followed.

"It says the program is not responding." Emma looked closely at the pop-up.

"Click End Now. It'll automatically close the cage's systems down." Saturn checked the screen. Allen and Rapidash meanwhile were reading the sports section of Cyrus's newspaper.

"Do I want to send an Error Report?" Emma asked.

"No, it won't change anything." Saturn said. Emma clicked once more and got up.

"I can't believe Petalburg United lost to Slateport City. And by 3 goals." Allen shouted at the newspaper and Rapidash looked disappointed.

"Actually, that big red button does do something." Saturn thought for a moment.

"What does it do?" Emma asked.

"It's a self-destruct button." Saturn suddenly looked worried.

"Why have a self-destruct button?" Emma asked as she and Saturn began running to find an exit. "Allen you coming?" She grabbed Allen as she ran past. Rapidash followed carrying the newspaper in its mouth.

"Our interior designer was an alcoholic, that's why we have all those warps." Saturn said between breaths. The group made it outside just in time to watch the building explode.

"Any particular reason you blew up the headquarters?" Cyrus asked. The group turned around to see Cyrus and Jupiter stood together.

"Oh come on, someone was bound to do it. It was a great big red button." Saturn protested.

"Fair enough." Cyrus nodded.

"What of the three Lake Legendaries?" Emma asked.

"No clue. They could have teleported away or they could have been incinerated. Doesn't really matter though." Jupiter explained.

"I think there's a reason the building got blown up." Allen walked over to the others.

"Really? What?" Cyrus asked.

"I think a higher power wanted this to happen." Allen wondered.

"What kind of higher power?" Cyrus asked.

"Someone like the author." Allen suggested.

"Author?"

"Yeah, hard to explain, we're all in a parody of the game and the author does these sorts of things." Allen explained.

"But why destroy the headquarters?"

"Because I wanted to end the chapter with a bang!" the author interrupted.

**Just to let you know I'm now on study leave for my exams so the updates might not be as regular during busy weeks but I'll be doing as much as I can this week so I can continue posting in regular intervals when it gets busy because updating won't take long. Thanks for understanding. Don't forget to review.**


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28**

The next day Allen and Emma returned to their games. Allen was still suspended from school and Emma was pretending to still be ill. Together the two made their way through Mt Coronet once again this time heading for the top. On their way they came across a few Team Galactic Grunts sleeping on the job.

"Through here is the highest point in Sinnoh, the Spear Pillar!" Allen announced and the two walked through the exit into the ruins of what appeared to be a temple high above Sinnoh.

"Other Pink Haired Girl and Trouserless Friend! You came!" Jupiter jumped up excitedly. She, Mars and Cyrus were stood in the centre of the temple.

"We have names." Allen groaned.

"Do you want to come to our new world with us? I'm sure Cyrus won't mind." Jupiter asked.

"Of course they can come." Cyrus nodded.

"New world?" Emma asked.

"Didn't you know? We're disposing of this world and creating a new one for us without pain or strife!" Cyrus announced.

"No! I won't let you!" Emma stepped forward. "Nor will he!" she grabbed Allen by the collar and pulled him forward.

"Fine." Allen sighed.

"So you've turned against us?" Cyrus asked.

"I was never with you!" Emma shouted.

"Well, it's too late!" Cyrus turned away from them and pulled out the Red Chain created by the three Lake Legendaries. Allen looked up in horror at Dialga towering over them. Emma saw Palkia there instead.

"Holy crap! It's Dialga, the god of time! We are royally screwed." Allen watched as Dialga roared and black waves spread out over Sinnoh.

"That's Palkia! Not Dialga!" Emma shouted.

"No, the blue one's Dialga!" Allen shouted back over the noise.

"That's not blue!" Emma shouted.

"Awesome coloured sky!" Allen and Emma turned to see Malcolm looking up at the multicoloured sky.

"No Allen! We have more important things to do than pushing Malcolm off the mountain!" Emma stopped Allen in his tracks.

"Not even the end of the world is more important than this!" Allen shouted louder as the noise of Dialga and Palkia ripping apart the world got louder.

"Allen! If we don't stop Cyrus there won't be a mountain to push Malcolm off!" Emma shouted and Allen stopped.

"That bastard!" Allen ran towards Cyrus. "You will die!"

"Huh?" Cyrus turned to see Allen running at full speed with a fist raised.

"FALCON PUNCH!" Allen's fist caught fire and he smashed Cyrus in the face.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!" Cyrus screamed as he was blasted off Spear Pillar and fell into the depths below. As the Red Chain dropped to the floor it smashed and Dialga and Palkia immediately stopped.

"Ow, hot! Hot! Hot!" Allen hit his hand to beat out the fire.

"How the Hell did you do that?" Emma walked over to Allen as Mars and Jupiter ran off and Malcolm looked around confused.

"It's a video game, anything's possible." Allen shook his hand about to cool is off.

"Should we catch our dragons then?" Emma asked.

"Hell yes!" Allen grinned. The two went up to their dragons and held a Master Ball.

"Go Master Ball!" they threw the balls at the same time. Allen caught Dialga and Emma caught Palkia.

Allen and Emma took the special items for their dragons and left Spear Pillar. Allen promised Malcolm that they would meet one more time and it would be the last time. And so, Allen, Emma and Arthur the Rapidash made there way to Route 222 and continued on there journey to the Pokemon League. They came across a house on the beach. Inside they found a man and lots of Pikachus.

"Welcome to the Pikachu Fan Club, oh Pikachu Lovers!" The man greeted them and Allen and Emma stared horrified at him.

"We don't like Pikachu!" Allen shouted.

"Really? Why not?" the man asked.

"Well, they are stupid, pathetic, weak and pointless." Allen listed.

"Ok… Well, what do you like?" the man asked.

"Well, there's Mudkips but we don't exactly have a choice. Oh, and exploding Starlys. We're big fans of them." Allen smiled. Emma hoped this wasn't going where she expected it to.

"You can't get exploding Starlys." The man argued.

"Yes you can." Allen argued back.

"Show me."

"Here you go." Allen sent out a Starly and took a few steps back. The Starly tilted its head and exploded. The explosion consumed the man.

"Any reason you killed him?" Emma asked.

"He's part of a Pikachu fan club I don't need a reason. He was bound to die at some point, he lives on a beach. The tide would have come in, flooded his house, the Pikachu would get scared and electrocute him to death." Allen explained.

"Fair enough." Emma walked out of the house followed by Allen and his Rapidash.

"Onto Sunnyshore City!" Allen raised a fist as though they were about to engage on a long and dangerous journey. They then walked onto a path and into the City.

"Hey you two! I need you help with something!" a red haired man in a bright yellow t-shirt ran up to them.

"Ah! You colour blind or something!" Emma shouted as she shielded her eyes for a moment.

"Yes as a matter of fact and I'd prefer it if you didn't point it out Blue Haired Girl." The man got angry with Emma.

"Oh come on! Doesn't anyone ever bother to learn my name? It's four letters! Not hard!" The girl wink pink hair shouted. "Hey! Author! Stop that!"

"Sorry, very hard to resist." The author apologised.

"So what do you want Random Guy?" Allen asked.

"My name is Flint thank you very much! I need your help with something." Flint introduced himself.

"What does Flint want help with? Will Allen help him? Will Allen even listen? Find out next time because I need to go eat some food!"

"Author, everyone already knows the answers to the questions." Allen folded his arms annoyed.


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29**

"Previously… Allen somehow used Falcon Punch, Cyrus died, the world was saved, the head of the Pikachu Fan Club was blown up and the colour blind Flint turned up and got pissed off at Emma." The author said as a voiceover as there was a flashback to all the events.

"Stop pointing out that I'm colour blind!" Flint shouted.

"Why did you do that? It's only been two minutes since you left." Allen asked.

"Not necessarily for the readers though. I post the chapters every other day." The author explained.

"So, this chapter won't be up for another couple of weeks?" Allen asked.

"Exactly."

"Can we move on?" Emma asked.

"Yes, I need you two to go and give the Gym Leader, Volkner, the battle of his life to inspire him to battle again." Flint explained.

"Sorry, what? I wasn't listening." Allen looked up from his shoes.

"Go to the lighthouse to challenge Volkner, he'll go to the Gym and if you give him a good enough battle he'll be inspired to battle more challengers." Flint explained to Allen.

"Um, ok." Allen then walked off with Emma and Rapidash leaving Flint alone in the middle of the street.

The two went to have their Pokemon healed. Allen avoided having a gun pointed at him by possessing the nurse using his Walk Through Walls Cheat. They then walked onto the raised roads that were made of Solar Panels.

"This has to be the most environmentally friendly Pokemon Video Game yet. Wind farm and Solar power, must be a record for Nintendo." Emma looked at the floor as they walked towards the lighthouse. Inside the lighthouse they found the blonde haired Gym Leader looking out to sea.

"Hmm." The Gym Leader sighed. "Was it worth it? Was it worth helping Cynthia become champion for this job? This has been so boring! Everyone's weak and pathetic! After what I've done I can't go back to my old life."

"Um, Volkner…" Emma interrupted. Volkner continued looked out to sea.

"Unless you bring alcohol or a way for me to commit suicide go away." Volkner didn't look at the two.

"We came to battle the Gym but we can help you kill yourself. In a way, we killed all the other Gym Leaders." Emma offered.

"Yes! She's joined my side!" Allen punched the air in celebration only to get elbowed in the stomach.

"There will be no battle. Take your badges and leave." Volkner threw two badges in the direction of Emma and Allen.

"But…" Emma began.

"I'm not deserving of this world." Volkner opened the window and climbed onto the ledge.

"Volkner! No!" Emma cried out as Volkner stood up straight with his arms forming the shape of a cross. He leaned forward and fell. Emma looked away. Allen went over to the window and looked down to see Volkner's body lying crippled on a jagged rock with a Wingull circling.

"You all saw it! I had absolutely no part in his death." Allen raised his hands.

"It was neither of our faults that he committed suicide. So that's it, we've qualified for the Pokemon League and all the Gym Leaders are dead." Emma picked her badge off the floor and so did Allen.

Not long later Allen and Emma knew they were coming to the end of the game's main storyline and most likely their time together. The discussion then led to how good they thought the game had been and Allen mentioned that it would never match up to his favourite game of all time, Pokemon Gold. The discussion then led to talking about the recently announced remake of it. Emma was sure that it was not going to be particularly good. Allen on the other hand was absolutely certain it would be amazing.

"Come on! We all knew it was going to happen and this game was a big giveaway. It's the biggest giveaway since Doctor Who practically revealed The Master was coming back by saying he will knock four times. Just think about it! The only broadcasting networks in the series are Jubilife's TV station and the Radio Towers in the Second Generation games, the only lighthouses are in Sinnoh and Jhoto, Dialga is the Temporal Pokemon and the only other time related Pokemon is the second generation Celebi, there's reference to Professor Elm, the next movie feature's the Jhoto starters and… Over here!" Allen then ran ahead to the beach to find a woman stood looking around. "Jhoto's very own Jasmine! Here! In the flesh. It was so obvious."

"So, you know who I am then." Jasmine looked at the exited green haired boy in front of her.

"Yes!" Allen looked at her as though meeting one of his heroes.

"Well, since you're such a big fan you can have this." Jasmine handed Allen a disc containing the HM Waterfall.

"Wow…" Allen stood looking at the disc in his hand.

"Well, I'll see you around." Jasmine waved and walked off.

"I didn't know you were a fan boy." Emma looked at Allen who was watching Jasmine walk off.

"Everyone's got to be a fan of somebody." Allen placed the disc in his bag having now calmed down.

Allen taught his Gastrodon Waterfall by sticking the disc in its rear and Allen, Emma and Rapidash rode on its back towards the Victory Road and the Pokemon League.

"This is not only uncomfortable but if your Rapidash decides it needs the toilet I'm going to be scarred for life." Emma complained. She was curled up underneath Rapidash on Gastrodon's back. Allen however was sat on Gastrodon's head.

"Despite the fact that Rapidash slobber is disgusting I'm not swapping with you." Allen shielded his face as Rapidash licked him again.

"Can I at least sit on Rapidash's back?" Emma asked.

"You can try but if you fall in the water we're not turning around and coming back for you." Allen continued guarding himself from Rapidash's tongue. He then heard a splash and a scream. "I warned you."


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30**

The afternoon sun was beating down all across the land of Sinnoh apart from that route that is constantly in the rain and the bit in the north where there's always snow. Outside the entrance to the large cave in the north east of the region known as Victory Road there was a teenage boy lying asleep and relaxing in the sun. Next to him was a Rapidash curled up asleep. All was peaceful with the only noises being the waves crashing against the shore and the occasional bird Pokemon flying overhead. All was… Hold on. Oh look, Emma's turned up. The boy woke up screaming as freezing cold sea water poured onto his face. Emma put her t-shirt back on after fully ringing it out and Allen looked up shocked.

"WHAT THE **** IS WRONG WITH YOU WOMAN!" Allen shouted at Emma. So much for the peace and tranquillity.

"You left me to swim all the way here!" Emma shouted.

"It was your own fault. You tried climbing onto Rapidash and fell off _after _I warned you." Allen got up.

"Your Rapidash was going to wee on me!" Emma shouted.

"No it wasn't." Allen protested.

"Then why is there a ten year old washing your Gastrodon?" Emma asked.

"What? There isn't a… What? He better not charge! Hey! Kid! Piss off!" Allen shouted at the ten year old with a bucket of water and a sponge scrubbing Gastrodon's back. The boy ran off terrified.

"Thanks a lot you two! I had the perfect chance to describe a really nice setting with lots of detail and then you show up and ruin it all!" The author shouted at them.

"Well, sorry, but you're the author. You're the one in charge, you make us do whatever we do." Emma apologised.

"That's beside the point!"

"Look, you're even making us argue with you now." Allen pointed out.

"Shut up! Chapter 31, that's the next one if you'd lost count, is going to be the only chapter with a subheading. The subheading being Malcolm's Endgame. But I can easily change that to Allen And Emma's Endgame." The author threatened them.

"We'll be good!" Allen pleaded.

"Damn you and your spoilers!" Emma shouted.

"Shh. Just do as he says." Allen hissed in her ear.

"Good, I thought you'd say that."

"Well, yes! You wrote it!" Emma shouted.

"You know what, I might delay Malcolm's Endgame and have a quick romance between Emma and Malcolm. Hmm. I think I can fit it in." The author wondered.

"I'll be good!" Emma pleaded.

"Good, I don't like writing romances. You saved everyone a lot of suffering." The author sighed in relief.

"Can we please move on? If the next chapter involves Malcolm we need to get through Victory Road in about… Half a chapter." Allen checked his watch.

"Since when did you have a watch that showed how far into which chapters we are?" Emma looked at him.

"Since when did I have a watch?" Allen looked really confused at his watch.

And so, Allen, Emma and Arthur the Rapidash made their way into Victory Road, their biggest test for them to prove whether they are ready to take on the challenge of the Elite 4. They followed the route that Allen's walkthrough told them to take until they decided to rest for a bit.

"I'm bored of walking through different sections of this cave and solving rock puzzles." Allen groaned.

"There was only one rock puzzle to get through and you climbed over." Emma looked down at him.

"I solved the problem of not being able to get past didn't I?" Allen asked.

"I guess so." Emma sighed.

"There's got to be an easier way through this." Allen looked around and at the map in his walkthrough.

"I don't think there is." Emma shook her head.

"Oh yes there is! Where there's a Dialga, there's a way and I have a Dialga." Allen grinned.

"I'm not understanding." Emma looked oddly at the green haired boy.

"Dialga is about 17 foot tall. The roof can't be much higher than 10 feet. So, just send out Dialga, it smashes the roof open, we climb up Dialga's tail, onto his back and on top of the cave. Then we just run along the top to the end." Allen explained.

"That's actually pretty clever." Emma looked surprised.

"I know, and I thought of it all myself." Allen smiled triumphantly.

And so, Allen sent out his Dialga and destroyed the roof of Victory Road. They climbed up Dialga's back and ran across the cave's roof to the end. The trio of Allen, Emma and Arthur the Rapidash rode down the side of the cave to the ground on an upturned dustbin lid that Emma had found in her bag.

"What the Hell is in your bag?" Allen asked. Emma took off her bag and unloaded its contents one by one.

"Dustbin lid, crowbar, HM disc containing Flamethrower, Hungarian to French dictionary, Yoshi's left shoe, a rubber duck and a Red Dwarf DVD box set." Emma listed the things.

"Where did you get these things and why?" Allen asked. "Actually, I'll have that Red Dwarf DVD." Allen grabbed the DVD box and had a look at the back.

"I didn't know about most of this stuff. I didn't start the game with a bag so I got it from Roark's Gym the night before he got arrested. That's when I went to the Pokemart in Oreburgh." Emma explained.

"You stole this? You're just as bad as me… WHAT THE HELL WAS ROARK DOING WITH THIS STUFF?" Allen looked at the pile of things on the floor.

"I dunno. Ask the author." Emma shrugged.

"I can't. He won't give a sensible answer." Allen said as Emma cleared up her things.

"Why's that?" she asked.

"He's just eaten a large amount of sugar and is currently doing the caramelldansen." Allen looked embarrassed.

"I'm just not going to ask." Emma put on her bag and they headed for the Pokemon League building.


	31. Chapter 31: Malcolm's Endgame

**Chapter 31: Malcolm's Endgame**

After Emma had her Pokemon healed and Allen took over the nurse to get his Pokemon healed the two stood in the main hall of the Pokemon League building.

"This is it. This is when Malcolm shows up for our final confrontation." Allen looked around.

"So, you're going to kill him?" Emma asked.

"Of course. I've been wanting to since we first met him back at the lake. I promised him that our next meeting would be the last and I keep my promises. Plus, if you hadn't noticed the chapter is called Malcolm's Endgame. So, he's going to die." Allen explained.

"Have you thought about how you're going to kill him?" Emma asked.

"I'm hoping that it will be the most spectacular death of all. For everyone except him. I'm thinking about using my entire Pokemon team. Including Luxray, I've hacked it to attack Malcolm now. Plus, I brought in some additional help." Allen explained.

"It worries me how much you've planned this." Emma looked worried and then she noticed in the corner of the room that Ike, Sephiroth and Mudkip were sat around a table. "Is that your additional help?"

"Yes." Allen nodded.

"This will be…" Emma was interrupted by the doors of the Pokemon League building opening. They all turned to see Malcolm's silhouette in the sunlight. He then walked into the room grinning oddly.

"You n00b! Battle me!" Malcolm pointed at Allen.

"Challenge accepted." Allen's mouth moved to an evil grin as he held out his arm and a wind began to blow about his hair and jacket. Emma turned to notice a wind machine with the words Gible Airways on the side. Allen held up several Pokeballs in one hand and sent out Infernape, Luxray, Skuntank and Dialga.

"That aint fair! Cheating n00b!" Malcolm cried out.

"Goodbye Malcolm! It's been fun, for me." Allen pointed directly at Malcolm. Infernape ran forward and punched him in the face and jumped backwards. Skuntank then belched and a cloud of dark green gas floated over to Malcolm who started choking. Luxray ran forward, jumped and bit Malcolm's groin.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!" Malcolm cried out in pain.

"On your knees, I want you to beg for forgiveness." Sephiroth stepped forward. Luxray released its grip and Malcolm fell onto his knees. Sephiroth stabbed Malcolm in the chest and switches places with Ike.

"You'll get no sympathy from me!" Ike shouted and smashed Malcolm in the face with his sword.

"I'MA FIRIN' MA LAZAR! BLAAARGH!" Mudkip jumped up and unleashed Hyper Beam. Allen then threw a Pokeball at Malcolm. Starly burst out and immediately exploded.

"Dialga! Pour the time vortex into his head and turn him into dust!" Allen ordered and Malcolm's body slowly dissolved into tiny particles.

"I just wanted some cheese…" the final part of his body then disappeared. Allen stood silently staring at the empty space where Malcolm had been.

"He's… He's dead… I did it… I KILLED MALCOLM!" Allen cheered and punched the air with his fist in celebration.

"That sounds like a confession." A handcuff clicked locking Allen's raised wrist. He looked to his side to see a Police Officer.

"DAMMIT!" Allen shouted as the Police Officer locked his other arm.

"HA HA HA!" Emma fell over laughing.

"Ike? Sephiroth? Mudkip? Any of my Pokemon? Help." Allen looked around unable to see any of them.

"Don't worry Officer. The person he killed was a terrorist plotting to kill Cynthia." A young man with green hair interrupted.

"Oh. I'm sorry about that. I guess you're a hero then. I'll see what I can do about having that stamp removed." The Police Officer apologised to Allen and undid the handcuffs.

"DAMMIT!" Emma shouted as the Police Officer left and Allen stood free.

"Wow, thanks for that. Who are you?" Allen asked the green haired man.

"I'm Aaron, first member of the elite 4." Aaron introduced himself. Allen shook his hand.

"But why'd you save him?" Emma asked.

"Us green haired people have to stick together. We're a dying breed." Aaron explained.

"I hate you both." Emma looked at the pair.

"You two are here to challenge the Pokemon League. Right?" Aaron asked.

"Yes." Emma nodded.

"Well, why don't you go take on the rest of the Elite 4 without challenging me? I insist." Aaron offered.

"Um…." Emma looked uncertain.

"Thanks, I owe you one… Hold on… Two!" Allen waved and walked off into the first room and straight through to the second. Emma then followed. In the middle of the second room there was an old woman on a Zimmer frame.

"Bertha?" Allen asked.

"What was that?" the old woman asked as though she couldn't hear.

"Are you Bertha?" Allen shouted.

"I don't know. I can't seem to remember." The old woman thought for a moment.

"I don't have time for this." Allen walked around the old woman and through the back door. Emma followed him again. The third room was empty.

"There's no one here. Isn't there meant to be someone here?" Emma asked looking around.

"It should be Flint. You know, the colour blind guy." Allen then noticed a piece of paper on the floor. "It's a note."

"What does it say?" Emma asked.

"I don't know. I don't understand music." Allen showed the piece of paper to Emma. There was a musical note drawn on it.

"Hold on. There's something on the other side. It's a letter." Emma turned over the piece of paper to reveal the letter B.

"I knew this gag was bound to happen." Allen looked embarrassed.

"That's weird." Emma pointed at some writing on the wall written in blood.

"Gone to kill self. Yours, Flint." Allen read it out.

"Do you think there was something going on with Flint and Volkner?" Emma asked.

"I don't know." Allen slowly edged towards the next door.


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter 32**

Allen, Emma and Rapidash entered the fourth room of the Pokemon League. In the middle of the room was a man with flowing lilac hair reading a book.

"Greetings!" the man looked over the top of his book. "I am Lucian, toughest of the Elite 4."

"Good for you." Allen smiled.

"Yes it is. Because it means I can get rid of people quicker and get back to reading my book. And you might be interested in this book." Lucian explained.

"Really?" Allen asked.

"Oh yes, for you see this book is your past, present and future. The very universe we exist in is held within this very book." Lucian held the book in his arms.

"The author gave you a copy of his story?" Emma asked.

"Exactly." Lucian nodded.

"Well, let me see it." Allen held out his hand expecting Lucian to hand over the book.

"I'm afraid I can't let you do that. It is dangerous for one to know their future." Lucian continued to hold the book tightly.

"What's the worst that can happen?" Allen asked.

"Still no. You should proceed to the Champion's room. And I will tell you this. Allen you will battle properly before this is through." Lucian looked at Allen directly. Allen, Emma and Rapidash went through to the final room. Lucian's words filled Allen's head.

"Alright Cynthia! We're here to battle you." Emma held out a Pokeball. Allen thought for a moment and then did the same.

"I'm thorry to dithapoint you but I am no longer the champion." Cynthia looked at her feet disappointed.

"So who is?" Allen asked.

"Cynthia, you may leave now. I wish to face my first challengers alone." A woman's voice commanded.

"Yeth." Cynthia walked out.

"This isn't right. There's nothing about anything like this in here!" Allen quickly flicked through his walkthrough.

"Who's there!" Emma shouted.

"It is I, Darkrai!" the woman's voice declared and a brown haired girl in a Pokemon Ranger uniform walked slowly out of the shadows. She had a menacing grin and glowing red evil eyes.

"What the hell?" Allen looked at the girl.

"I have forged an alliance with this Pokemon Ranger so that we can take on the world of fanfiction!" Darkrai declared through the girl.

"Darkrai! What do you want?" Allen shouted.

"What we want is to be portrayed correctly and more regularly in the world of fanfiction!" Darkrai declared. "For too long I have been portrayed as either a misunderstood and feared Pokemon or an evil obsessed with trapping people in nightmares. Both are wrong! I am the ultimate in evil! I do not waste my time with trapping people in nightmares. I want to see them suffering physically! And the Pokemon Rangers want an equal role in fanfictions as the Pokemon Mystery Dungeon characters. People mysteriously waking up as Pokemon! Bah! People mysteriously waking up as Pokemon Rangers! Now that would be interesting."

"Never gonna happen!" Emma said angrily.

"Um, Darkrai? Just out of interest, when you had a choice of Pokemon Rangers why do you pick a girl?" Allen asked.

"You fool! I am a girl! I am always portrayed as male! Just because my gender is not specified! Why do you assume?" Darkrai shouted.

"Woah, sorry." Allen saw Darkrai getting angry.

"You will pay!" Darkrai shouted and grabbed the Pokemon Ranger's Capture Stylus. "Capture on!" Darkrai spun her arm around several times and a ring of light appeared around Emma.

"Huh?" Emma looked down worried at the ring closing in on her. The ring then disappeared and Darkrai looked at the Capture Stylus's screen.

"Capture complete!"

"Emma?" Allen looked at her worried.

"Go, Torterra!" Emma sent out her Pokemon facing Allen.

"This is it… Lucian was right. Because I can't bring myself to hurt Emma I must battle her…" Allen said to himself. "Go, Infernape!"

"Earthquake!" Emma ordered. The room began to shake. Everyone struggled to keep their balance.

"Emma, I'll free you from Darkrai's control! Flame Wheel." Allen ordered and his Infernape fired a circle of flames as the shaking knocked it over. The tree on Torterra's back caught fire and it tried running around screaming but wasn't very fast. Allen noticed Infernape couldn't get up again and Torterra had collapsed.

"Go, Roserade!" Emma sent out her next Pokemon while Darkrai stood laughing.

"Go, Rapidash!" Allen shouted and Rapidash just stood still shaking it head. "What do you mean no? Why won't you battle?"

"Idiot." Emma grinned. "You never actually caught him! That's why you could carry six others."

"No…" Allen looked at his Rapidash.

"AETHER!" suddenly the roof burst open and Ike fell through landing in front of Darkrai. Sephiroth and Mudkip then followed.

"We're the only characters in this game that aren't meant to be!" Mudkip shouted. Ike and Sephiroth ran forward and simultaneously stabbed Darkrai. She fell to the floor and vanished.

"What? What's going on?" Emma looked around confused.

"You're free." Allen looked at her. "Don't you remember? We battled. Sorta."

"Oh." She noticed Torterra and Infernape lying defeated on the floor in front of her.

"Thank you guys." Allen turned to Mudkip, Ike and Sephiroth.

"When we said we were the only characters here that weren't meant to be we didn't include you two. So, I suggest you get to the Hall of Fame and complete the game before we kill you." Mudkip explained. Allen nodded and the two ran through the back door into the final room.

The final room was a clean futuristic room with a single computer at the end. Allen and Emma walked together to the computer.

"Thank you for helping me." Allen smiled.

"Really?" Emma looked at him.

"Of course. You helped me so many times before I got AR." Allen offered a handshake and Emma took it.

"So this really is goodbye?" Emma looked at the computer.

"Yes, press this button and the credit will roll. Goodbye." Allen then pushed the button to complete the game.

**The End.**

**Credits:**

**Starring...**

Allen - Allen

Emma - Emma

Myself - The author

Every annoying person I've ever met over the internet - Malcolm

Ike - Ike

Mudkip - Mudkip

Sephiroth - Sephiroth

Rick Astley - The guy that Rick Roll'd everyone during the end credits... Hold on! AAARGH!

**Special thanks to...**

Nintendo for creating Pokemon.

My many reviewers for reading this and telling me how good it was.

Myself for writing this.

**The End... Really.**


	33. Epilogue

**Epilogue:**

"Hold on! You said it really was the end, why are we still here?" Allen asked.

"Well, due to popular demand, we need an epilogue." The author explained.

"You caved into peer pressure didn't you?" Allen asked.

"Yes." The author admitted.

"Let's get on with this… What exactly do you do in an epilogue?" Allen looked around confused. He and Emma were stood in the middle of nothingness.

"An epilogue is a chapter at the end of a story that sort of explains what happens after the main story. Like in Harry Potter it was several years later showing who ended up with whom and how fertile Ron's sister was." Emma explained.

"That's what I understand of it and I would have said that but I needed Emma to have a line." The author added.

"Am I really that insignificant to you?" Emma shouted.

"I'm not going to lie to you or endanger my crotch so I'm not saying anything." The author said and made the sound of a zip.

And so, after completing Pokemon Diamond and Pearl Allen and Emma sat through the extremely long credits. Emma decided to sit through and watch them as she does with all games. Allen on the other hand put his DS down and listened to the music while making a cup of coffee. However the music annoyed him so he turned it off. Emma often returned to her game in order to catch the legendary Pokemon of the lakes and go to the battle facility in the north of Sinnoh. Allen, surprisingly also returned to his game. But unsurprisingly he caused the same sort of chaos as normal…

"No I didn't!" Allen interrupted the epilogue.

"So, you didn't push that guy off Stark Mountain? Then, who did?" the author asked.

"It was self defence. In the sense that he was attacking me by being irritating. Like Malcolm." Allen explained.

"And the Canalave City sailor's son?" the author asked.

"The guy asked for me to help his son so I put him out of his misery by killing him. It was easier than going to find some stupid Lunar Wing or whatever." Allen folded his arms.

And so, Allen eventually stopped playing his copy of Pokemon Diamond and had a go with Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Blue Rescue Team. However, he didn't exactly turn out to be particularly good at rescuing. He spent his time looting dungeons, forcing people to joining him by threatening to kill them, killing people who didn't join him, putting lots of people in the situation of needing to be rescued and generally abusing his partner. Also, because he became a Mudkip in Pokemon Mystery Dungeon he asked lots of people if they liked him and beat up anyone who said no. After this Allen got excited about the Pokemon Gold and Silver remakes. He prepared himself by setting aside some money to buy the games and playing his old copy of Gold.

"Just wondering. Is this a hint at anything?" Allen asked.

"Yes, I was thinking about calling it Pokemon Fool's Gold." The author responded.

"That's a better name the Diamond and Pearl Gone Wrong. Though doesn't suggest that it'll be of the remake rather than the original." Emma thought.

"Why do you always have to find problems with my schemes woman!" the author shouted at Emma.

"Actually this is the first time. Can we move on?" Emma asked.

After completely completing Pokemon Pearl Emma played various other games such as Mario Kart DS and other games with WiFi capabilities. She also managed to get into a fight with a purple haired shop assistant in Gamestation because she wanted to trade in her old games for cash rather than store credit. Allen immediately e-mailed her saying that it was something he really expected from himself and something he really wanted to do.

And now, the most common cliché of them all… Everything returned to normal.

"Why the hell did you put in that stupid cliché?" Allen asked.

**The End… Really, it is.**

"Or is it?" Allen asked in a suspenseful way.

"Yes, it is!"

"Really?"

"Yes!"

"Really, really?"

"YES GODDAMMIT!"

"Are you sure?"

"YES! Silence you fool or you'll never get your sword back!"

"I'm going to shut up now."

**Seriously, this is the end now. Allen, say anything and I'll personally remove your lungs using a tin opener. The End.**


End file.
